The Long and Winding Road
by Lu78
Summary: Completed - It may take a while but can the long and winding road lead our characters back to where they belong
1. Chapter 1

The day was like no other, warm and busy. Kerry Weaver headed towards the lounge for a seat and a cold drink. She noted that the blinds were closed but there was no note on the door so she opened and walked in. She noticed someone lying on the sofa asleep. On closer inspection she saw it was Abby. One arm flung over her eyes, while the other rested on her stomach, under her scrub top. Was there something Abby wasn't telling everyone? Abby had been working so hard recently, what with nursing shifts and being a med student. Kerry gently tapped Abby on the shoulder waking her. Abby looked all apologetic. "I am so sorry Doctor Weaver, I only sat down for five minutes."   
  
Kerry noticed the bags under Abby's eyes. "Abby when have you been on since?"  
  
"What day is it today?" Abby asked as she yawned and stretched.  
  
"Wednesday at 9am."  
  
"I started Sunday at noon, I think. It's hard to say, days have all moulded into one." Abby yawned again.  
  
"When do you finish and when is your next shift?" Kerry asked sounding concerned. She didn't like the thought of someone running herself into the ground. Abby had been doing a lot of that recently, since Carter had left her.  
  
"I finish at noon, and then I'm off tomorrow to study for an exam, working graveyard tomorrow night, exam on Friday and graveyard on Friday night."  
  
"Abby, you are working to hard, you need to cut down on shifts." Kerry told her. Kerry didn't like to admit it but Abby was one of her favourite people in the ER.  
  
"I can't, I need the money. I need to work to get through med school. Don't worry about me Doctor Weaver, I'm fine." Abby proceed to head out of the lounge, but before she reached the door she came over all dizzy.  
  
"Abby, go home just now. I'll get someone to cover your shift for you. You need to sleep." Kerry said laying her hand on Abby's arm.  
  
Abby turned to Kerry. "Thank you." Her smile was weary, but full of thanks. 


	2. Chapter 2

Abby trudged up the steps to her apartment, wearily opening the door. She was so tired that she would just have easily dropped there and slept than climb the stairs to her apartment. Once inside her apartment, she made her way to the sofa before collapsing into a deep sleep.  
  
Susan opened the door to Abby's apartment and was surprised to find it dark. "It's midday," she thought to herself, "why isn't she up?" She continued into the apartment and found Abby asleep on the sofa. She walked round to the front of the sofa and sat on the edge of the coffee table. From there she could see there was something Abby wasn't telling her. "Abby, wake up." Susan shook her friend from the shoulder.  
Abby groaned in her sleep. Susan's voice was playing in her sub- conscious, or wait, was Susan in her apartment? Abby opened one eye and looked above her and sure enough there was Susan. "Susan go away." Abby grunted. She hadn't meant to be rude and by the look on Susan's face she could tell she had hurt her. "I'm sorry Susan but I got in about an hour ago from working three, no four days straight, all I want to do is sleep." Abby's voice was laced with sleep.  
Susan looked back down at her friend and realised she was telling the truth. "Okay I'll go but you have to answer me one thing." Abby looked through one eye at Susan. "How far along are you?"  
Susan now had Abby's full attention. Both eyes sprung open. She had been found out. Maybe the fact she was lying with her hand on her stomach, that was slightly exposed. Abby's voice came out like a whisper. "Almost four months." Her eyes filled with tears, but she managed to blink them away. She had managed to keep this a secret for so long.  
"Why didn't you tell me?" Susan asked. She had never known Abby to keep a secret like this before, then again, she had never known Abby to have a secret like this.  
"Susan, I can't right now, can you come back later." Abby was sounding more tired now tan she had at the beginning of their conversation.  
"Sure, but be warned want details when I return." Susan gently lay a hand on Abby's forehead as Abby's eyes closed again. She didn't even hear Susan leaving. 


	3. Chapter 3

Abby stood under the blistering hot needles of the steaming shower. Her hand unconsciously rubbing over her slightly, swollen stomach. She had hardly let herself believe she was pregnant until she had told Susan.  
Susan was her best friend, but she felt she couldn't tell her. Abby had wanted to tell her everything but something had stopped her. Something inside her told her that she couldn't tell anyone. She felt that if she told anyone then it would all be real and she couldn't carry on with the life that she knew. Now thinking back it sounded silly but it was what she believed.  
Abby turned the shower off as she heard the knock at the door. Silently she thanked Susan for not using her key this time. Opening the door, she stepped back allowing Susan in. Susan offered a small smile, taking in that the robe Abby was wearing was more than likely Carter's. Susan made her way to the sofa, sitting at one end, while Abby tucked her legs underneath her at the other end.  
They both looked at one another before Susan finally asked. "So, what happened?"  
  
Susan looked at her best friend before Abby answered. it was so hard for Susan to see her like this. Abby had never shown a vulnerable side but at that moment in time Susan wanted to take her into her arms and tell her everything was going to be okay. Abby looked ready to burst into tears, but somehow kept them all inside. "I found out I was pregnant during his first time in Africa. Turns out I was about a month and a half gone by the time he came home. I was so mad at him and wanted to tell him but I just couldn't find the words. Then as he was leaving again I didn't want to shout out in the middle of the street. I also didn't want him to stay because he felt he had too. After he left my life started to spiral out of control. I figured hiding it was the best option. The I went back to med. school and everything started to feel right again. I suppose I forgot about the baby, but these last few days I have been really tired."  
"Well working all these extra shifts won't be helping." Susan said as she sidled closer to Abby.  
  
"I know but I need the money." Abby protested.  
  
"I know but enough to go about almost killing yourself. Abby you have to think about the little on inside of you now." Susan gently placed her hand on Abby's little tummy. As she looked back up to her she could see the tears running down her face. "Oh Abby, come here." Susan took her friend into her arms.  
"Susan , I just don't know what to do. I've left it too late to do anything about it and in a way I don't want to get rid of it but can I do this?" Abby choked back the rest of the tears she had in her eyes.  
"Of course you can do it. You've got plenty of people to support you. Don't forget that." Susan, brushed her hand through Abby's wet hair. Abby continued to sob, with relief more than anything. She had finally found someone to confide in. It felt so good to talk to someone about it. It just felt good to talk.  
Susan stayed for a while longer. they chatted about things that didn't mean anything. if it meant not talking about the baby, Abby was all for it. She had talked enough about it tonight although she did have one thing to ask Susan. "Can you keep this quiet for just a bit longer?"  
"Abby, you won't be able to keep it quiet for much longer. You're already showing." Susan indicated by pointing to the small bump showing through the thick terry robe Abby wore.  
"I know but I want to get through this rotation. If they find out that I'm not going to finish this year they won't be happy. I have to work something out."  
"Talk to Weaver when you see her next. As much as we all hate her, she'll know what to do. Abby, remember you are not alone. I'm here for every step of the way."  
"Thank you Susan. You have no idea how much that means to me." Abby reached over to hug her friend again. She couldn't live without Susan, as desperate as that sounded she knew it was right.  
  
A.N. Just a short note to say thanks for all the words of encouragment. It means a lot. I promise to make the chapters a bit longer. I hope you are enjoying the story and keep me updated as to whether it's going okay or not. Thanks again. Lu! 


	4. Chapter 4

"Susan!" The cry came from exam room one and it didn't sound good. Susan and Sam were both standing at the desk when they heard it. Both ran towards the room only to find Abby doubled over in pain.  
"Abs what's going on, tell me where it hurts?" Susan was trying to keep calm but wasn't sure if she could. Abby had gone through so much and was finally slowing down and letting her life slow due to the pregnancy. She didn't know how her friend would fair if she lost he one thing she was hoping for.  
"I started cramping. Susan it hurts." Abby wailed as Susan and Sam got her onto the gurney  
"I know it does, but we're going to take a look at you okay." Sam ran her hand down Abby's cheek. She had really come to like the woman doing the impossible, being a nurse and training to be a doctor.  
Tears were blocking Abby's vision. She knew who was in the room with her but she couldn't stop the room from spinning. She could feel the hand on her cheek and she reached up and grabbed it. She needed something to hold on to. She then felt the foetal monitor being strapped to her stomach. What she couldn't see were the looks that were flying between Sam and Susan. They were both really concerned for her.  
All seemed to let out a sigh of relief as a strong foetal heart rate could be heard throughout the room. Abby's tears became sobs as she rested her head back on the gurney. Susan walked up beside her and took her into her arms. "Told you everything would be okay." Susan's voice was laced with tears. "You are just all stressed again. What did we tell you?"  
"I know." Abby sniffed.  
"Why don't you stay here and rest for a bit and we'll come and get you when it's time to go home." Sam told her.  
"Okay." Abby reluctantly agreed. Leaving the foetal monitor in place, Susan and Sam left the room allowing Abby to fall asleep.  
Before she could fall asleep Abby began thinking off all that had happened to her. She hadn't had the best life in the world but she felt that she could give something to the child growing within her a better life.  
When she had first suspected she was pregnant, she wanted to deny all knowledge. She didn't want to think of something growing inside her. Although she had always wanted to be a mother, something inside her was stopping her. She finally took the test just after Crater left for the Congo. When all the tests (she did four) came back positive she went along to her local OB/GYN. She had examined her and gave her a more accurate test. She was pregnant at least a month and a half.  
When Carter arrived back from the Congo, she had wanted to tell him immediately but when he showed up at her apartment she was so angry with him, she couldn't bring herself to say anything. For that whole day she tried to tell him. Then they had found out about Luka, before he went rushing back off again.  
She didn't feel right about just blurting it out to him so she had kept it quiet. Now, lying on the gurney, she could see that had been wrong. She was pregnant, alone and scared. She was lucky she had friends like Susan and Sam but what she really wanted was Carter.  
She lay listening to the baby's strong heartbeat and allowed it to soothe her into a peaceful slumber.  
When Abby awoke, she didn't have a clue as to what the time was. She knew it was late afternoon as it was dark outside. As she sat up the door to the exam room opened. Susan came in. "Hey, your awake."  
"Yeah, it's amazing how much a babies heartbeat can put you to sleep. Oh Susan, it's so good to know that this little one is okay. I was so terrified earlier."  
"I know, but you don't have to be. Sam and I are going to look after you properly. I've come to get you so we can take you home."  
"But Sam has Alex."  
"And he's coming too. Not too looking forward to spending the night with a bunch of women but he will have to."  
Arriving at Abby's Alex didn't look pleased at all. "Alex, if you go into that bedroom there you will find an X-box or Playstation, something like that."  
"Really?" The little boys eyes widened as he looked at his mothers new friend.  
"Yeah, it was my brothers, he forgot to take it with him when he went back to stay with my mom. If it's all right with your mom, you can go play."  
"Can I mom?" Alex pleaded with his mother.  
"All right, but not for too long okay." Sam ruffled her son's hair as he skipped off into the other room. Abby made her way to the kitchen, opening the refrigerator as she got there. "What do you think your doing?" Sam asked.  
"Making dinner, we all have to eat don't we?" Abby wasn't watching anyone. She was hungry and nothing was stopping her from eating.  
"Yes, we all have to eat but we can call in food from wherever you want." Susan suggested.  
"Are you guys sure, I mean, I don't mind cooking but if you want to phone for something that's even better." Abby smiled closing the fridge door and picking up the many take out menu's she had accumulated.  
After they had all eaten and Alex had gone back to the games console the girls settled down to watch a movie. Sam went to check on Alex half way through. "You guys, I'm going to have to go. Alex has fallen asleep. I need to get him home and into his bed."  
"You can stay here tonight, if you want." Abby offered. She sure would like the company.  
"Does your offer extend to me as well?" Susan asked.  
"Of course, you and I can share my room while Sam and Alex have the spare. There's plenty of bedding and stuff. Stay, please."  
It was agreed, everyone was staying. After the movie ended, everyone dispersed and went to their rooms. Abby threw a t-shirt in Susan's direction before heading to the bathroom. When she came back out, Susan was already changed and in bed. His side of the bed. "Thanks for letting us stay." She said as Abby climbed into bed.  
"Any time." Susan wasn't sure but there was something different about Abby's voice.  
Susan awoke during the night, to hear Abby crying softly. She didn't want to disturb her, but wanted to help her. She lay listening until the sobs slowly stopped and Abby's breathing went back to normal. She had cried herself to sleep. Susan wondered how often she did that. She really wanted to help her friend but didn't know how.  
  
A.N. This is longest chapter I have ever written I think. Thanks for all your support for this story. I hope I am doing a good job. I also hope I have clarified Abby's feeling, if not please let me know. Thanks again. Lu! 


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks you to all who have reviewed, it's great hearing what you all think of my story. I am glad that you are enjoying it as much as I am enjoying writing it.  
  
It's been three weeks since Abby's threatened miscarriage and now everyone in the ER knows she is pregnant. Susan watches as she works with an elderly gentleman who keeps her smiling throughout the examination. Abby is still working her way through her med. school course, but not really doing the practical side of things. Weaver spoke to the school and explained the situation. The school were remarkably understanding and are letting her do all the written assignments and when she feels up to it after the baby is born she can complete the practical assignments and graduate.  
Abby finishes up with her elderly patient and makes her way back to the desk, where Susan is waiting on her to go lunch. Abby stops mid-way and places her hand over her rounded stomach. 'Not again.' Susan thinks and rushes up to her side. "Abby are you okay?" Susan asked, placing her arm around Abby's shoulder.  
"What?" Abby looks confused. "Oh yeah, sorry. I'm fine, great in fact. I just felt the baby kick for the first time."  
Susan's eyes widen. "Really?" Abby nods and takes Susan's hand, placing it where hers had been. Sure enough a few seconds later, Susan was rewarding with a strong kick. "Abby, this is fantastic."  
"I know, it's proof now that there really is someone in there." Abby smiled as she rubbed her hand over the bump. "Lets go to lunch."  
  
Around seven o'clock that evening, Abby was getting ready to finish her shift when Sam came in trailing Alex behind her. None of them looked happy. "Hey Sam, Hi Alex. What's up?"  
"The damn baby-sitter cancelled on me and now Alex has to stay here all night. He's not happy cause he won't be sleeping on a proper bed, and I really don't want him here all night." Sam sounded so harassed.  
"He can come home with me if you want?" Abby offered. She hated to see anyone in a bind like that.  
"I couldn't do that to you." Sam protested.  
"Your not, I offered. It'll be good to have him around, practice and all that. And I could do with the company." Abby told her. The last part wasn't exactly a lie. She had been feeling really lonely the last few nights.  
"Are you sure, you know what he's like." Sam eyed her new friend.  
"I'm sure, just what time does he have to be at school for?"  
"I'll be there before that. I finish at seven. He doesn't need to be there till nine. Are you positive you want to do this?"  
"Yes, stop trying to put me off or I won't take him. Here, take my spare key and you can let yourself in tomorrow, just in case we aren't up." Abby handed Sam the key before Sam went to tell Alex the good news.  
On the road to the El Abby asked Sam if he had eaten dinner. "Mom made me mac and cheese before we left but I am still hungry."  
"Good, 'cause I'm starving. What do you fancy?" Abby asked with a smile on her face. She was enjoying this, so far.  
Alex smiled up at Abby. "Whatever, although a burger would be nice."  
"Burger and fries it is. What about a strawberry shake to go with it?" Abby licked her lips thinking of the meal ahead.  
"Make mine chocolate and I'm sold." Alex was such a nice kid, Abby hoped that no matter what her child would be nice and polite like Alex.  
After stopping at the local burger bar, Alex and Abby continued to walk towards her apartment, conversation ranged from what was good on t.v to what Alex was up to in school. He didn't seem to enthusiastic about school but then what nine year old was.  
Abby's apartment was warm, she was glad she had changed the timer on the heating. She hated entering a cold apartment. Alex situated himself in front of the t.v straight away knowing that one of his favourite shows was about to start. Abby joined him on the sofa and they laughed they whole way through the show.  
Around nine thirty, which Abby knew was a little later than Alex's normal bedtime she turned to him. "Alex, time for bed little man."  
"Hey, I'm not a little man." He scowled at her for a moment when he noticed her face had changed. She wasn't looking at him, she was staring at her stomach with the look of amazement on her face. "Is the baby kicking?" Alex asked.  
"Yeah, do you want to feel?" Abby asked. Alex nodded furiously. he had never felt a baby inside someone before. Abby placed his little hand on her stomach. They waited a few minutes before the little one inside her gave a huge kick.  
"Wow. That is so cool. Wait till I tell my friends at school." Alex was over awed by it all.  
"Right now it's time for bed." Abby said as Alex finally let her stomach go.  
"Okay." He answered, not really wanting to go to bed, he was having too much fun. He stood and gave Abby a hug. "thank you for letting me stay."  
"Any time sweetie." Abby ruffled Alex's hair before he scurried off to the spare bedroom. Abby sat back on the sofa. She had really enjoyed having Alex here for the evening. He had kept her mind off the things she normally thought of when she was alone at night.  
  
A.N part two I know Alex isn't probably like this but to me and this story he is. He hasn't really came into ER where I'm watching it yet. But from what I have read he isn't like this. 


	6. Chapter 6

Abby awoke to hear screaming coming from somewhere in her apartment. She was confused for a minute before remembering Alex was staying over night. Her feet hit the floor fast as she made her way through the apartment to the spare room  
Alex was sitting bolt up right in bed. He had stopped screaming but was still sobbing. Abby sat down on the edge of the bed and took him into her arms. "Hey big guy, it's all right. Everything's all right." Abby ran her hand up and down Alex's back, trying to soothe him.  
Alex snuggled further into Abby's shoulder. "I'm sorry." His voice sounded so young. "I'm sorry I woke you."  
"Hey, it's okay. I'll survive. Can you tell me what happened?" Abby moved further back in the bed so she was leaning against the headboard. Alex moved with her still cuddling into her. He felt safe in her arms.  
"I dreamt mom was killed in front of me by a car." Alex's voice threatened to break again.  
"Hey now, your mom's at work perfectly okay and you're here with me. Nothing's going to happen to you, I promise." Abby stroked the young boy's hair. She found herself humming a lullaby, soothing Alex back to sleep.  
At seven thirty Sam entered Abby's apartment. It felt strange walking into someone's apartment. She had worked an okay shift but was tired. She hoped Alex had behaved himself for Abby or she would never forgive herself. Abby had been so kind to let Alex stay, she couldn't bear it if Alex had misbehaved.  
The apartment was silent so she headed for Abby's bedroom first, hoping to wake her and get all the details of how Alex had behaved before having to wake her son. But when she didn't find Abby in bed she worried. The bedclothes were strewn across the bed and hanging on the floor as if she had left in a hurry. She checked the bathroom in case she was in there throwing up but no, still no Abby. She headed towards the spare bedroom where Alex would be sleeping. She glanced in and saw Abby and Alex asleep together. Abby was half leaning on the headboard, with one arm flung over to the side the other caressing Alex's head. Alex slept with his head on Abby's stomach. The both looked so sweet but why had Abby ended up in beside Alex.  
"Abby." Sam gently shook her friends shoulder. She knew what she had been like when she was woken. It was worse when she had been pregnant. Abby began to stir slightly. She opened her eyes and looked up to where the voice had been coming from. She smiled at Sam before realising where she was. Alex's weight on her stomach brought her back to reality.  
"Hey, is it seven already?" Abby asked rubbing her eyes.  
"Seven thirty." Sam said before looking at Abby again. "What happened last night?" She asked pointing to where her son lay sleeping.  
"He had a nightmare and couldn't go back to sleep." Abby tried to explain the best she could for just being awake.  
"A nightmare?"  
"Yeah, something about you getting killed by a car in front of him. He was so distraught that we almost called the hospital to make sure you were okay. But he soon calmed down and fell back asleep."  
Alex began to stir at the sound of voices. "Hey mom." He cried as he threw himself into Sam's arms.  
"Hey buddy, you okay?" Sam asked as she kissed his head and snuggled him close.  
"Yeah, Abby took good care of me." He smiled back to where Abby still lay against the pillows. "And mom, you'll never guess, Abby's baby started kicking yesterday. She let me feel last night." By this point Alex was literally bursting with pride. "I didn't know babies could kick that hard."  
"You kicked all the time when I was expecting you."  
"Really?" Sam nodded. "Wow, wait till I tell everyone at school." With that he was up and off to the bathroom to get washed.  
"He is such a good kid Sam."  
"Thanks, and thanks again for looking after him last night. I really don't know what I would have done if he had to stay at the hospital. SO the baby started kicking?"  
"Yeah, in fact." Abby took a hold of Sam's hand and pressed it to her swollen stomach.  
"Yeah, I know that feeling. Alex was a terrible kicker. He kicked constantly."  
"Well this one seems to know when to sleep, which I am grateful for."  
"So are you working today?"  
"Yeah at noon. SO I get a few hours more sleep before I go in." Abby said trying to extract herself from the spare bed.  
"Yeah, well I'll get my son out of your way and you can get back to sleep. Thanks again Abby."  
"Not a problem, any time."  
  
Later that evening Abby was about to take her break. She had been working for over five hours without a breath to herself. She glanced over to where Susan was working. "You ready for a break?" She asked  
Susan looked at her. "Sure, just give me a minute and I'll be there."  
Abby walked in the direction of the lounge. Today she had been nurse Abby, which for just now she preferred. Even though she wanted to finish med. School badly, she was happy just plodding along. At almost six months gone, she was happy just to go home at night and put her feet up.  
Entering the lounge, she apologised to the kissing couple on the couch. Neela and Gallant had been taking advantage of the empty lounge for five minutes of together time. It reminded Abby of how she and Carter used to do the same.  
She grabbed Susan's coat and her own before apologising again and leaving them alone. Both had rather red faces but knew Abby was okay. Abby handed Susan her jacket as they headed out he door. "You okay?" Susan asked.  
"Yeah. Just bringing up some old memories."  
"What do you mean?" Susan asked her.  
"I just caught Neela and Gallant kissing in the lounge. I was remembering back to when Carter and I used to do that." Abby's voice sounded sad.  
"Well I may have some news that will cheer you up." Susan said with a excited voice.  
"Really?" Abby replied as she walked into Ike's.  
"Let's get a table first before I tell you." Susan said guiding Abby to the table at the back of the diner. "Right now, well, I don't know how to say this."  
"Just tell me what's wrong."  
"Nothing's wrong, in fact everything's perfect. Abby, I'm pregnant."  
"Oh my God! Susan, that's fantastic news. Hey we're pregnant together." Abby got up from her chair and went round to Susan's side of the table, hugging her best friend. "I'll bet you're pleased. Chuck too."  
"Yeah, we are. We found out yesterday and I'm already two months gone. So I'm four months behind you." Susan laughed, thinking of how they would both be at full term.  
"Well, I was going to go shopping alone tomorrow for baby things but now you have an excuse to come with me." Abby proudly said.  
"I know it's great." Susan beamed. The two friends couldn't have been happier. 


	7. Chapter 7

Susan knocked the door to Abby's apartment the following morning, but when it wasn't answered she used her key to open the apartment up. Surely Abby hadn't forgotten shopping for baby things. The apartment was quiet as Susan made her way inside. She had only just managed to keep breakfast down although it was slowly making it's way back. She ran through to Abby's bathroom where she proceeded to loose her breakfast.  
Abby awoke to someone throwing up. 'Wait, there was someone in my apartment yesterday morning, not today.' She thought to herself as she levered herself up in bed. It was getting harder and harder to move these days. The toilet flushed and Susan appeared at the door.  
"Sorry 'bout that, couldn't keep the breakfast down any longer. How did you manage to hide it for so long?" Susan asked but immediately regretted it by the look on Abby's face.  
"Guess, I'm a good actor." Was the flat response. "Anyway what you doing here this early in the morning?"  
"Abby's it's almost lunch time." Susan told her handing her the bedside clock.  
"Susan, I am so sorry, I have just been so tired lately. Give me half an hour and then I'll be ready, promise." Abby manoeuvred herself off the bed and into the bathroom while Susan made her way to the kitchen to make some tea.  
An hour later, the girls arrived at the door of the biggest department store in Chicago. "So where to first?" Susan asked. This was her first time baby shopping, or even maternity clothes shopping, she wasn't sure where to go.  
"Well, this place has a really good maternity wear section and then after that I thought we could move on to Babies 'R' Us. I want to get started on the nursery soon. I know that I have a little over three months to go but I won't be able to do it very soon. I'm already having problems moving about." Abby said rubbing unconsciously at her stomach again.  
"Okay, lead the way." Susan was a little worried about Abby. She had become very quiet in the last few weeks, not really talking about the pregnancy or the birth much. She was overjoyed when Susan told her the news yesterday but there was something she was telling. Susan wondered if she was still crying herself to sleep at night.  
They had been in maternity wear for almost an hour. Susan had tried on many clothes, even though she wasn't showing yet, none of which she really liked, apart from the denim overalls./ She said they reminded her of her teenage years. Abby on the other hand really needed new clothes. This was her second clothes shopping trip in the last two months. She found the perfect jeans that didn't have an elastic panel, or even look like maternity jeans. She also bought some more tops that were just a size or two too big.  
"Are we ready for something to eat yet?" Susan complained. She seemed to have got over her morning sickness and was into hunger mode.  
"Sure, we can go to the little cafe just around the corner, Carter used..........." Abby trailed off when she started to talk about Carter. Susan looked up at her, but Abby had already turned away. Not far enough that Susan couldn't see her wiping away a few stray tears.  
"Wherever you want." Susan told her laying a hand on her arm. Abby looked up and smiled a watery smile. She didn't think it would be so bad to think about him or talk about him any more but it still hurt, big time.  
  
Upon entering Babies 'R' Us Susan became overwhelmed by it all. Every little baby thing made tears well in her eyes. "Abby look at the size of this." She held up a tiny romper suit. "Soon we are both going to have little ones that will fit into these things."  
All Abby could do was smile. She was heading towards the nursery section to pick out the crib, changing table, stroller and car seat she wanted. She had been saving for months and just hoped that she could afford everything. She finally admitted to Susan that she had been buying little things like diapers and wipes and creams and all the practical stuff over the last few weeks. "Everytime I go to the grocery store I buy something else."  
"Well that's a good start." Susan told her as she watched Abby's eyes gloss over when she started looking at the cribs on display. Abby walked straight to a beautiful pine wood crib-bed. The store had it set up with the covers and everything inside. Abby had fallen in love with it straight away. Now the only thing was the price. She looked to the tag and realised that indeed she could afford it and still have enough for everything else. It was good shopping when there were sales on. She picked up the sale ticket and continued on her way around the section. She chose her changing table along with the car seat. She had already been eyeing the strollers. Susan could tell she knew exactly what one she wanted, but she saw heading in the opposite direction to the cheaper ones. "Ab's why don't you leave the stroller just now. We still have plenty of time before you need it." Susan secretly had a plan. 


	8. Chapter 8

Being eight months pregnant and working in the ER was hard. Abby had convinced Kerry to let her work as long as possible. She was up to date on all her written assignments for Med. School and was working as a med. Student today.  
  
Patients were being kind to her, especially the little old ladies. People constantly asking the questions, "When are you due?" "Do you know what you are having?" and "How much longer are you working?" The questions didn't bother her anymore. She loved to talk about her baby. The baby who would be with her in less than four weeks time.  
  
By three in the afternoon, Abby was working with a little old lady named Mrs Montgomery. She reminded Abby of an old lady who had lived beside her when she was little. "My, are you okay dear?" Mrs Montgomery asked.  
  
"Mrs Montgomery, I'm supposed to ask you that question." Abby smiled at the lady. For some reason, Abby couldn't help but think back to her childhood when she saw this woman.  
  
"But you should be sitting at home with your feet up and your young man taking care of you." The elderly lady had a sparkle in her eye.  
  
"Well unfortunately I have bills to pay." Abby answered. It was true, she had managed so far but when she went off on maternity leave she was a little unsure of how she would cope.  
  
"But what about the babies father?" Mrs Montgomery asked as Abby listened to her chest.  
  
Abby took a deep breath. "He isn't around. He left before I knew I was pregnant." Abby answered. "Now where exactly is it your are hurting Mrs Montgomery?"  
  
"My back dear. I fell two days ago and jarred it but it didn't seem so bad." Mrs Montgomery winced in pain as Abby examined her back.  
  
"I'm going to send you for an MRI scan to rule out any fractures or swelling. I'll see you when you get back." Abby wrote a few notes on the chart before leaving the room. "Susan, I'm going on break." She called to her friend as she headed to the lounge.  
  
"Susan, look." Lydia tapped Susan's shoulder and pointed towards the ambulance bay doors.  
  
"Oh God!" Susan gasped. "Why now and who is that?" They were both staring at John Carter walking back into the ER as if it had been yesterday he was last there. What's more he was parading a young woman on his arm. A young pregnant woman. "Lydia, where's Abby?"  
  
"Lounge, I think. She's on a break."  
  
"Good, let's see if we can get rid of him before she comes back out." Susan whispered as Carter drew closer to the desk.  
  
"Susan, Lydia, hi." Carter smiled as he spoke to his friends. Unfortunately they didn't look to happy to see him. Susan stepped out from behind the desk. "Sus, your pregnant?"  
  
"Yes, I am. When did you get back?"  
  
"Last night. Congratulations, how far along?" Carter's arm never moved from the woman shoulder.  
  
"Four months." Susan's eyes kept darting all over the ER, hoping and praying that Abby wouldn't come out. But then she knew Abby. She had probably fallen asleep.  
  
"Same as Kem. I am so sorry I haven't done introductions yet. Kem Likasu, meet Susan Lewis one of my closest friends. Susan, this is Kem my girlfriend. We worked together when I was in Africa." Carter seemed to beam with pride as he spoke.  
  
"Susan, can I talk to you for a minute?" Gallant had appeared behind them. "Hey Doctor Carter. Nice to see you."  
  
"Excuse me." Susan turned to Gallant and began a deep conversation.  
  
Carter took Kem on a tour of the ER although he himself was confused. SO much has changed since he was last here. "I guess this is the lounge." He told her peering in. He stopped before entering, seeing someone asleep on the sofa. Heading back to the desk he spotted Susan on her own again. "Hey Sus, has this place turned into a breeding ground. Who's the new pregnant doc in the lounge?"  
  
Susan's face fell and just before she got the chance to answer him, Lydia came up to her. "Doctor Lewis, can I see you for a minute, your patient is asking for more pain relief." Susan sighed and turned to Lydia, mouthing Thank you.  
  
"Sorry about this John. We're a bit swamped today." Susan said walking away from the desk.   
  
Carter and Kem turned to watch her go as they looked around the rest of the new look ER. "A lot has changed since I was last here." He commented. He hardly recognised the ER itself but a lot of staff had changed as well. HE was looking around to see if he could see anyone he knew. He recognised a few faces, he could see Gallant working with a med. Student, Pratt was working with a couple of nurses and He could see Kerry working in trauma one. He couldn't see Abby anywhere.  
  
Malik hadn't seen Carter standing and walked round to the desk. "Hey anyone seen Abby?" Malik asked.  
  
"Yeah, she's asleep in the lounge." Yosh answered. "You'd better not wake her, you know what she's like when she gets woken."  
  
"Yeah but I just got the test results back on her patient and she need to see them."  
  
Susan had heard the conversation and her face fell. She watched Carter closely, his face was a picture. He didn't know where to look. He glanced from the lounge to Susan and then to Kem. Had he heard all that had been said. Of course he had, he wouldn't look like a deer stuck in headlights for nothing.  
  
A few seconds later Abby appeared out of the lounge. She looked over to where Susan was standing and didn't know why she looked the way she did. Her face was white as a sheet and she was staring at something. Abby's eyes followed Susan's. "Oh my God!" Abby exclaimed as she saw who was standing at the desk. "He's back."  
  
A.N. Just a short note to say thanks again for all the reviews. You have all been so supportive and urging me on to write more. I'm glad you all like the Abby/Susan/Sam friendship, but now that's he's back, I wonder what's going to happen. Dun-dun-DUuuuuuuuuuuunnnnnnn. (Supposed to be dramatic effect.) L 


	9. Chapter 9

Abby stared at Carter as he turned and saw her for the first time in over six months. 'Why did he have to show up now?' She thought to herself. What she hadn't seen was the woman on his other arm. Malik was at her side telling her about eh patient she had to go and see. "Okay, where is he again?" She asked as her eyes caught sight of the woman by Carter's side. Abby felt her heart squeeze and her stomach jump. She couldn't believe it. But staying professional, she walked past him with her head held high. She could just see Susan out of the corner of her eye. Susan was watching her to make sure she was okay. Abby gave her a nod letting her know.  
After finishing with her patient she headed towards the ladies bathroom. She hadn't spoken to anyone who knew what was going on. Malik hadn't even seen them, let alone talk to him. She was desperate to be on her own. Entering the bathroom she realised she wasn't on her own. Another stall was occupied. Abby hoped that the person would be quick and leave. Entering her own stall, she lowered herself down on to the toilet. She didn't even need, which was something. She just needed somewhere to sit and be alone. She wasn't exactly sure how she was feeling. She had just seen the love of her life again after six months. She had never stopped loving him while he was away, no matter what he felt for her. She had spent many nights alone, crying herself to sleep, wishing he had been in bed beside her. Having people over at night didn't help either. Susan had been great, not pressuring her in any way to talk. Nights had been spent in silence between the two of them, watching movies. But somehow she knew that Susan knew exactly what was going on. And that she could thank her for. Sam had been wonderful too. The three had become fast friends, friends that could be all girly when watching movies or shopping. But also friends that knew when not to ask questions.  
Abby exited the stall forgetting someone else was still in the bathroom. The woman was standing by the washbasins. She was young and pretty, her skin the colour of chocolate. Abby smiled to her and she smiled back. "Hi." The young woman eventually spoke.  
"Hi." Abby replied as she washed her hands. "Are you here seeing a doctor? Abby inquired.  
"No." The woman laughed. "My boyfriend and I have just arrived here from Africa. He wanted me to have the best possible treatment during my pregnancy."  
It was in that moment that Abby realised who she was talking to and what had just been said. She was Carter's new girlfriend, and pregnant at that. "That's nice." Abby faltered. She couldn't believe it. He had another girlfriend who was pregnant. Her world was starting to crash down round about her.  
"Well, I better get back to him, he'll be wondering where I am." The woman spoke again. "Sorry I didn't introduce myself, I'm Kem Likasu."  
"Abby Lockhart." Abby reached her hand out and shook Kem's. She physically wanted to be sick. Kem left the bathroom and Abby made her way back into the stall. Emptying her stomach contents was easy, stopping was the hard part. She heard the door to the bathroom open again.  
"Abby." Susan's voice was full of concern. "Abby you in here." Susan could here the vomiting coming from the stall. She pushed the door open and found her best friend on the floor, expelling lunch from her stomach. "Hey, it's okay." Susan rubbed small circle on Abby's back getting her to calm down. The vomiting stopped and was overtaken by sobbing. Abby glanced up to Susan, who could see the tears building in her eyes. "Come on, let's get you out of here." Susan helped Abby to her feet. Supporting her by the shoulders, Susan guided Abby out of the bathroom. Out in the hallway, Abby could see Carter standing with Kem having a conversation with Kerry. They seemed very animated, hands moving telling stories of the Congo. Abby averted her eyes trying to find something else to focus on.  
"Abby!" A young voice cried from the other end of the corridor. Abby looked up to see Alex running towards her.  
"Hey buddy." Abby hugged the young boy to her. He had really become her sanity in these last few months.  
"Are we going to finish the nursery today?" He asked bouncing on the balls of his feet.  
"That we are Alex, just give me a minute." Abby told him.  
"Are you okay Abby?" He started sounded concerned and when he did that he sounded like his mother.  
"I'll be okay." She told him leading him past where Carter & Kem stood. Carter tried to stop her and talk to her but she brushed past him, without saying a word. Susan was so proud of her.  
Back in her apartment Abby and Alex set about finishing the nursery. Alex came over twice a week to help. They had painted the walls and built the crib. Alex was so pleased with himself for everything that he had done. Abby loved watching his face when he achieved something new. The baby inside of her was going to have an honorary big brother whether it liked it or not. The task for that afternoon was to build up the changing table and hang the curtains. Alex started laying out all the pieces of wood and got the toolbox ready to start. Abby had gone into her bedroom to get the curtains she had bought. When she hadn't appeared back after five minutes, Alex went to investigate where she was. The door to her bedroom was closed but when she put his ear up against the wood he could hear her crying. "Abby are you sure your okay?" His little voice sounded so sweet to Abby. It made her cry even harder. "I'll be fine Alex, I promise, I just need five minutes okay." "All right." Alex reluctantly went back to the nursery. He didn't want to start building it without Abby so he sat on the bed. He didn't feel right leaving her in there crying on her own. He hated listening to his mom cry, but she was his mom so she hardly ever cried. He slowly walked up to Abby's door and pushed it open. He could see her lying on the bed, her shoulders shaking. He walked up to the side of the bed and climbed in beside her. "It's all right Abby, I'm here, and nothing will happen to you, I promise." He leaned over and tried to wrap his arm around her, but in her present state that couldn't happen. Abby sighed, Alex had used the same phrase she had told him when he had first stayed the night with her. She turned over and wrapped him in her arms, his head resting on her chest. "Thank you Alex, that's just what I needed to hear." 


	10. Chapter 10

Abby had finally fallen asleep with Alex by her side. For a nine- year-old boy, he knew when something was wrong. Only problem was, he didn't know what the problem was or how to fix it. The only thing he could think to do was call his mom.  
Over in the ER things hadn't really slowed down. Carter and Kem had eventually left which Susan was most pleased about. He hadn't spoken to anyone after he had seen Abby. Maybe he was frightened too.  
Susan was standing at the desk, reading over her last few patients before leaving for the night when the telephone rang. "Doctor Lewis, could you get that for me." Frank shouted from the other end of the desk.  
"County Genera, how can I help you?" Susan asked as politely as she could.  
"I need to speak to my mom." The little voice on the other end said. Susan recognised the voice straight away.  
"Alex is that you?"  
"Yeah, I need my mom Susan." There was certain urgency in his voice.  
"Alex, what's wrong? Aren't you at Abby's?"  
"Yes, that's the problem. I don't know what's wrong with her. I found her crying in her bedroom, and now she's asleep. I'm worried." His voice sounded on the verge of tears.  
Susan was astounded by how much the little boy had attached himself to Abby. "Alex listen to me. I'm finished just now, but your mom is still busy. I'll come over right away. Is Abby still asleep?"  
"Yeah, Susan can you hurry?"  
"I'm on my way. I want you to stay in the bedroom with Abby okay?"  
"Okay." And with that Alex hung up.  
Susan looked around trying to find Sam. She saw her heading for the suture room. "Sam, sorry to interrupt but can I talk to you for a minute, please?" Susan had interrupted her suture a man who had fallen at work slicing his arm open.  
"Sure, excuse me Mr Clark, I'll be back in a minute." Sam peeled the gloves from her hands and followed Susan out into the hallway. "So what's up?"  
"Alex is just off the phone." Susan started before getting interrupted.  
"Is he all right?"  
"Yes, he's fine. He's worried about Abby. You heard who came back today didn't you?"  
"Yeah, must be tough on her. What's wrong with her?"  
"I don't know. I'm finished just now and on my way over, when are you off?"  
"An hour." Sam said glancing at her watch. "I'll come over straight after."  
"Thanks." Susan replied, before turning on her heal and heading for the lounge.  
Susan opened Abby's apartment door and was immediately hit by the smell of tea and toast. She could hear voices from Abby's bedroom so she knew Abby was awake. "Hey." She said as she pushed the bedroom door open. Abby and Alex were sitting up in bed with mugs of tea and a plate of hot buttery looking toast between them.  
"Hi Susan." Abby answered weakly. Susan could tell she was close to tears. It was so hard to see Abby in this condition.  
"Hi Susan, do you want some toast? I didn't burn it." Alex smiled as he held the plate out in Susan's general direction.  
"Don't mind if I do." She answered taking the top piece of toast and biting into it. "Mmmm, this is good."  
"Alex, why don't you go play X-box for a while." Abby suggested laying her hand on her young friends back.  
"Are you sure?" He asked. Susan smiled at the concern laced in his voice.  
"Yeah, on you go. I want to talk to Susan for a minute."  
"Okay." He said, jumping off the bed and heading for the spare room. They both watched him go wishing they could be as young and innocent again.  
Susan turned to where Abby was sitting to find her friend already in tears. "Oh Abby." Susan walked across the room, sat on the bed and took Abby into her arms. "Everything's going to be okay."  
"How could he do this to me?" She stuttered. "Did I mean that little to him?" Her sobs became louder. She felt so stupid for allowing herself to fall in love with the guy. Even more so for allowing it to last this long.  
"Abby, don't get yourself worked up. You know what Coburn told you. Any undue stress could cause you to go into labour early." Susan reminded her.  
"I know but I can't help it. You know she was in the bathroom while I was there today. Didn't have a clue who I was, all she was interested in telling me was her boyfriend had brought her from Africa to get her the best pregnancy care possible. I felt like a fool. The look of love in her eyes when she spoke about him was outstanding. I felt like I was a nobody."  
"That's not true and you know it, Abby. You are someone. Someone great. And see that look you are talking about, I've seen you with it so many times."  
"Susan, I don't know if I can do it anymore." Abby finally admitted. She had lay in bed all afternoon debating where or not to give her child up. She knew within herself there was no way she could take care of a little baby as well as herself. No way in the world.  
"Abby what are you talking about?"  
"I don't think I can look after this baby."  
"Yes you can." The voice came from the doorway. Neither of the friends had realised that Alex had been listening to the whole conversation. "Abby, you can look after your baby. You look after me so well." He climbed back up into the bed beside her. "I know that if my mom wasn't around I'd want you to look after me."  
That statement made Abby cry even harder. She couldn't stop. "Abby I know it's hard right now, but I've watched you over these last six months, you've got stronger and you know tat you can do anything. I now you've had a hard time, and don't think I don't know that you have been crying yourself to sleep every night, but you can do this. Believe us." Susan took her back into her arms again, wrapping Alex in the hug too. "We are all here for you."  
A knock at the door interrupted the hug. "It'll be Sam." Susan said standing, wiping the tears that had gathered in her eyes. She walked across to the door and opened it. "What the hell are you doing here."  
Carter stood, shocked by the way his friend was treating him. "I came to speak to Abby."  
"Well you can't." Susan said pulling the door behind her. "You have no right to be here and absolutely no right to talk to her right now. She'll talk to you when she's ready. You have no idea what you've put her through John. Just leave things alone just now. Leave it a while and let her come to terms that your back."  
"Okay, if you say so, but I have to speak to her at some point." Carter said as he turned to leave. "Tell her when she's ready, all she has to do is call." He walked back down the stairs without looking back. Susan actually felt sorry for him in a way but he had left Abby and come back with someone new.  
"Where's Sam?" Abby asked when Susan walked back into the bedroom alone.  
"It wasn't her. Abby, Carter was here." Susan watched as Abby's fell. "I sent him away and told him to give you time. He said when your ready to talk to him then you've to call him."  
"Thanks Susan." Abby said. "And thanks for this afternoon, both of you. I don't think I would have got through today without you." Alex smiled as he cuddled further into Abby. Abby's head was still swimming with everything that was going on. She still wasn't sure exactly what she wanted but she knew with a little help from her friends she would work it all out.  
  
A.N - Well two chapters in the one day. They have actually been written since yesterday but was out for dinner last night and have been working all day so now is my chance to post. This is my last post before the weekend as I am away over the weekend snowboarding. I promise that mopre will be written and hopefully posted on Monday. Still not too sure how it is going to turn out. Maybe a Carby, maybe not. 


	11. Chapter 11

A.N So sorry for the delay in posting this but was away for the weekend and have been tired since getting back. Hope you are all still enjoying it.  
  
Four days later Abby finally contacted Carter. She lifted the phone and dialled the number for the mansion. "Carter residence." The deep voice on the other end spoke.  
"May I speak to John Carter please?" Abby politely asked. She knew it was Algiers on the other end but didn't really want him to know it was her.  
"Who may I say is calling?"  
Damn, she thought. "Abby Lockhart."  
"Abby, what a lovely surprise. We haven't heard from you in a while. If you give me a second I'll get Master John for you."  
"Thanks Algiers." The elderly butler, genuinely sounded pleased to hear form her. Maybe she had been missed there.  
"Abby." All of a sudden Carter's voice was on the other end of the phone. Abby froze, she wasn't sure what she wanted to say. "Abby, you there?"  
"Yeah, I'm here." Her voice was quiet. She couldn't muster up the courage to tell him what she wanted to over the phone. "I was wondering if we could meet somewhere?"  
"How about I come over?" Carter asked her, as soon as she had asked.  
"No, I can't have you here, not right now. How about the river, usual spot at about three this afternoon." She spoke quickly, fearing she wouldn't ask if she waited much longer.  
"Okay, I'll see you there." Carter answered before Abby hung up the phone.  
  
At two thirty in the afternoon, Abby stood debating by the front door whether or not to leave. She wanted to speak to him, get him to tell her exactly what had happened, but something was keeping her in the house. She touched her swollen stomach for the first time in a few days. She had distanced herself so much from the baby. She was so unsure of what she felt any more.  
Finally she pulled the hat on to her head, zipped up her jacket and headed out into the cold afternoon. For November the weather was pretty mild but it was so unpredictable. She had to be prepared for anything.  
Carter walked along the riverbank, scanning the whole time to see if he could see Abby. Finally he spotted her by their bench. She wasn't sitting on the bench though. She was leaning over the railings, watching the world go by. "Hey." He started as he walked up to her.  
She turned quickly to see him walking so casually up to her. God she was falling in love with him all over again. The boyish smile on his face, his hands stuffed in his pockets, the way he walked. Abby mentally kicked herself for pining over him again. "Hey." She was trying to be non- committal, although she wasn't sure if it was working.  
They stood in silence for almost five minutes before Carter finally spoke. "So, how are you?" The question sounded silly, even to him, but he didn't know what else to say.  
She took a deep breath be4fore looking at him. "To be honest Carter, I don't know. How do you think I feel?"  
He shook his head. He was beginning to realise what he had left behind when he went to Africa. "I was hoping you could tell me what happened, why you didn't tell me you were pregnant?"  
"You want me to tell you a story, okay then. Eight months ago, a very sad event happened in your life. Your Gamma died and I had no clue how to reach you. After you heard the news, you retreated into a shell that I couldn't penetrate. I was having problems too and I will freely admit that I still have problems, but I was still there. You had left the relationship well before you left for Africa. Which I might add I would have known nothing about if I hadn't seen you that afternoon, am I right?" Abby had managed to keep her voice on a low level, but it was soon to spiral out of control. She glanced up to Carter to see him nod an answer to her. "Right, so while you were away, I thought that maybe I was pregnant. So I took four tests, yes four, just to make sure. I then went along to my OB/GYN and had it confirmed. I knew I was pregnant when you came back. I wanted so much to tell you when I woke to find you on my bed, but I was so mad at you. You had hurt me so much, more than you will ever realise. I never planned on keeping this a secret, but I couldn't just blurt it out to you. Then you left again, which destroyed me. I managed to keep the pregnancy a secret. Susan only found out when I was four months along, by then it was too late to do anything about it. She has been so supportive of me, Sam too. They have been there every step of the way, including my threatened miscarriage."  
"You almost miscarried?"  
"Yes. And I was finally getting my life straight. Alex and I have been doing up the spare room as a nursery, and I realised that I couldn't live without my baby, until you turned up. You changed everything yet again."  
"What do you mean I changed everything yet again?"  
"I don't know what I am going to do any more Carter. You meant the world to me and then you swan back to Chicago with a new pregnant girlfriend and expect everything to be fantastic, well it's not. You have no idea of what I have gone through in these last six months. What I almost gave up, what I am close to giving up again. SO don't think that this is going to be an easy ride for you." Abby took a deep breath again. She was finally finished with what she wanted to tell Carter. Tears had risen in her eyes, during her speech but she had managed to keep them in control. She wouldn't cry in front of him. That's for sure.  
"One thing, when are you due?" Carter finally spoke. He was so proud of her that she had managed to tell him her feelings but it had almost made him realise what a fool her had been. He had walked away and left the person he had loved the most. The person he had wanted to spend the rest of his life with, and now he had come home and destroyed her faith in the world.  
"A little over four weeks, and before you ask, I don't know what I am having." Abby said, pulling the collar of her jacket up. "I have to go now, I'm sorry, but I can't stay here any more."  
Carter watched as she walked off. She was such a different person now. She had always been strong but he had never seen this side of her before.  
  
The phone woke Susan from the nap she was taking on the sofa. "Hello." Her voice sounded tired. It wasn't till she heard the heavy breathing on the other end that she was fully awake. "How is it?"  
"Susan, can you get to the hospital?" Abby voice was laboured.  
"Abby, what's wrong?" Susan sat up right on the sofa. "What's the matter?"  
"I've called the ambulance." Abby stopped mid sentence and let out a scream. "I've gone into labour Susan. Please meet me at the hospital."  
"I'm on my way, hang on sweetie." Susan told her best friend as she screamed out in pain again. 


	12. Chapter 12

Susan rushed through the doors to the OB department. "Where's Abby Lockhart?" She shouted to the first nurse she saw. Susan knew she would never forgive herself if she wasn't there for Abby. The nurse pointed in the direction of the room in front of her. Susan walked up to it and peered round the door edge. Abby was lying on her side in bed. She didn't look in too much pain; hopefully it would be an easy birth, although she had sounded in pain on the phone. "Hey you." Susan said as she approached the bed. "How are those contractions doing?" It was then Susan noticed Abby was crying and shaking. She glanced around the room and realised that she was hooked up to any machines either. "Abby what's wrong?" Susan's voice was a little high pitched.  
"She's in the NICU." Abby's voice was shaky as she told her friend what was going on.  
"What?" Susan sounded shocked,  
"My baby girl is in the NICU and they don't know if she'll survive." Tears flowed freely down Abby's cheeks. "She came so quickly and they said she was so tiny. I didn't even get to see her. The doctor has just left and he told me that she is having problems breathing. They had to intubate her. Susan this wasn't supposed to happen." Susan tried to approach Abby. But she shook her head. "I can't right now Susan, please I just want to be on my own." Abby lay shaking, not looking Susan in the eye.  
Susan seemed to understand in a way and left the room. She stood outside and watched as her friend's heart broke. Abby couldn't contain her emotions any longer. Susan watched as deep, heart-wrenching sobs wracked through her tiny body. Susan had seen Abby upset before but never this much. It was truly breaking her heart to think her baby girl was lying in an incubator, not knowing whether she was going to live or not. Susan walked away from the room and made her way down to the NICU, hoping someone would give her answers.  
At the NICU, Susan found the first doctor available. "Excuse me, I'm Abby Lockhart's best friend. I was wondering if you could give me any information on the baby she has just delivered?"  
"I'm sorry but as you aren't family there is no way I can divulge that information." The doctor spoke to Susan as if she didn't exist.  
"I don't think you understand, doctor. There is a woman lying in a hospital bed not that far away from here, breaking her heart because she doesn't know what is going on with her baby. And as for the way you spoke to me I believe that I have been a doctor much longer than you have." She pointed her finger at his chest.  
The doctor reeled back. "I am so sorry. I didn't realise who you were. As for the baby, she is very small, weighed in at just under 4lbs. She isn't breathing on her own and the NICU consultant doesn't believe she is going to make it through the night. We were going to get someone to ask Miss Lockhart if she wanted the baby baptised." The young doctor bowed his head away from Susan's eye contact.  
"Leave that to me. Is there any possible chance I can see the baby?" Susan silently pleaded with the doctor. He looked up and saw the look in her eyes.  
"Okay, but only for a second, and be warned, she is hooked to a lot of machines." The doctor opened the door to the NICU and led Susan in. There was a hive of activity happening around all the incubators, but one stood alone against the back wall. Susan knew that this was Abby's baby. Susan walked up to see the baby lying inside. She truly was tiny and with the tube in her throat it made her seem even smaller. For what she could see the baby was beautiful, she had Abby's skin tone and Carter's nose.  
"Thank you." Susan said to the doctor. "Could you point me in the direction of the nearest phone?" The doctor pointed out of the door and to the left. "Thanks again." Susan said before leaving the room to use the phone.  
"Good evening Carter residence." The deep voice on the other end answered.  
"Hi, may I speak to John please?" Susan asked politely.  
"May I ask who is calling and what the subject matter is?"  
"It's Susan Lewis and it's concerning Abby." Susan spoke quickly.  
"Give me a second to locate him."  
Susan waited for just a minute before the phone was picked up. "Hey Susan, what's up?"  
John sounded way to cheery and wasn't going to like what Susan was about to tell him. "John, I'm at the hospital and I think you should get down here."  
"Why?"  
"Abby went into labour this afternoon and gave birth very quickly to your daughter. The baby isn't doing too well and frankly neither is Abby."  
  
"But I just saw Abby a few hours ago. She seemed fine." John commented. Now Susan understood why Abby had gone into labour in the first place. The stress of seeing John must have brought on labour.  
"Well, she isn't anymore. John I have never seen anyone's heart break like hers is right now. She is devastated and is about to be more so when I tell her what the doctor has just told me. I really didn't want to tell you this over the phone but the doctor's don't think your daughter will last the night."  
John sighed deeply on the other end of the phone. "Oh my God!" He said. "I'll be there as quick as I can."  
"Thanks." Susan said before hanging up the phone. She was about to go and deliver the worst news that she could ever imagine giving a parent.  
  
Susan opened Abby's bedroom door. Abby hadn't moved from Susan's last visit, although the heavy sobs had stopped. "Abby, sweetie, how are you?" Susan knew she sounded pathetic but she couldn't think of anything else to ask her. Abby could only nod her head, not willing herself to speak, for she knew if she did then she would be in tears again. "Abby the doctor asked me to come and speak to you. They let me see your daughter and believe me Abby she is beautiful, just like you." Abby's eyes lit up at this fact. "But she is a very sick little girl. Abby they don't think she'll last the night."  
Abby's face fell. "No." She paused. "No. NO NO NO." Tears flowed from her eyes again as Susan wrapped her into her arms. "NO." She repeated over and over again. She couldn't believe that after all she had gone through, that she may lose her baby now.  
"The doctor's are wondering if you would like her baptised. They have a priest standing by if you want." Susan rubbed circles in her friends back. She could feel Abby nod against her and mumble something. "What did you say?"  
Abby leaned up. "Can I see her?" Tears clouding her view.  
"Of course, come on lets go see her." Susan helped Abby out of bed and into the awaiting wheelchair. She pushed her along the corridor and into the NICU. The room seemed quiet now, whatever the doctor's had been working on was now calm. "She's up the back." Susan pointed to the incubator at he back of the NICU. The doctor Susan had spoken to was standing by the baby.  
"Miss Lockhart." He began. "I know that this is a hard time for you but did your friend explain what was happening."  
"She told me basic's. I really don't want to know the whole story right now, I just want to see my baby." Abby said strongly as she pushed herself out of the wheelchair and walked tentatively up to the incubator. Her daughter lay as still as can be, with the tube breathing for her. Abby brought her hand up to her chest. "Oh baby, you can do this you can pull through. Mommy's here and not going anywhere."  
"SO is daddy." The deep voice from behind startled Abby. She turned to see Carter standing a foot behind her. Seeing his face made her crumble again and in seconds he had her in his arms rocking her backwards and forwards. "Everything's going to be okay. We're going to be okay." He told her, whispering it to her hair.  
Susan stood back watching the scene unfold in front of her. The young doctor standing beside her asked. "Why wasn't I informed before of the father?"  
"Because it's a long story." Was all Susan committed to.  
The priest walked up to Abby and Carter. "Do you wish your child baptised?"  
Abby looked up to Carter and nodded, he nodded back. "Yes." Her voice was quiet.  
"Do you have a name for your child?"  
"I do." She said, again looking to Carter. "I name her Holly Susan Wysenski Carter." Carter smiled and nodded. The short service lasted only minutes but was heartfelt and meaningful. When it was finished Abby took up post by baby Holly's incubator and vowed she wouldn't move for anything.  
  
A.N So sorry that this has taken me so long to get up. I have had this chapter in my head for so long but was unsure of how to execute it hope I have done a good job please let me know. 


	13. Chapter 13

Abby jumped awake, a little unsure of where she was until she heard the beeping of the machines. She had fallen asleep beside her baby daughter. She glanced into the incubator and saw the little girls chest rising and falling with the help of the machine. She was still on the machine, that had to be a good sign right, the doctors had told her that her baby wouldn't be alive at this time. She looked around to find the doctor and saw him at the other end of the room. "Doctor Neilson, how's she doing?" Abby asked apprehensively. She wanted to hear what was happening but she also knew that it could be bad news. "There has been slight improvement but not enough. She is still in critical condition. We'll wait for the next 48 hours and by then there will hopefully be more improvement and she can come off the ventilator."  
Abby breathed a sigh of relief. Maybe her baby would be okay, maybe she wouldn't have to go through the trauma of burying her child. She knew that no matter what she couldn't cope if her daughter died. She looked around the NICU to see if she could see Susan or Carter. She had been so pleased when he had shown up the night before. She hadn't realised just how much she needed him until he spoke. The feeling of being in his arms again just felt so right. She knew it was wrong to want him, but she couldn't help the way she felt.  
Susan climbed the stairs to the OB department. She had managed to grab a few hours sleep before going back to find out if baby Holly was okay. When she had watched the scene unfold in front of her the night before, between Abby and Carter, she knew she was right to call him. She only hoped that they could sort something out between them. Walking up to the NICU door she could see Abby still perched by her daughter's incubator. She looked around but she couldn't see Carter, he wasn't in Abby's room which was where she had sent him the night before to get some sleep.  
"Susan." Abby's voice brought her back to reality.  
"Hey." Susan's voice was quiet.  
"She made it through the night." Abby said with a smile on her face. "They say she's still critical but she could be okay." Tears shone in Abby's eyes as she told her best friend of her good news.  
"Abby that is fantastic." Susan said hugging her friend. "What does Carter think?"  
"I haven't seen him. Susan I never got the chance last night to thank you for calling him. I don't know what I would have done if he wasn't there. You are such a good friend to me and I hope that one day I can return the favour."  
"Abby you are already a good friend to me. You just concentrate on your daughter getting better." Susan gave Abby another hug before letting go.  
"What do you think of her name?" Abby asked coyly. Abby couldn't think of a more appropriate way of thanking Susan than by naming her daughter after her. She knew that it was a good omen and maybe would bring baby Holly some luck.  
"It's such an honour." Susan said choking back her tears. She had been filled with pride when Abby had said the baby's name the night before. To be included in her name was a big thing for Susan. "I'll go and see if I can find Carter for you."  
"Thanks Susan, I'll be here." Abby said returning to her chair. The doctor was by the incubator. "Doctor Neilson, I may have been rather rude last night when you tried to tell me what exactly was wrong with Holly. I apologise for that but I am sure you understand what I was feeling."  
"Miss Lockhart, don't worry about it. I have the unfortunate job of dealing with this every day. What you said last night was nothing." The doctor smiled nervously.  
"I was wondering if you could tell me now. I know she isn't out of the woods yet, but please I need to know." Abby said as she lowered herself down into the chair beside Holly's incubator. She reached her hand inside and touched her tiny daughters cheek.  
"Well, we are unsure of what caused you to go into early labour, but it is a possibility that stress caused it. I believe you were still working a lot down in the ER." Abby nodded her head, but didn't look the doctor in the eye. She felt so guilty. "When Holly was born her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck. That's why we have had to intubate her. We are unsure of how long she went without oxygen but tests so far say there appears to be no permanent brain damage." Abby breathed a sigh of relief. Abby glanced over to her daughter again. "We are hoping to try in the next few days to try her without the tube and see how she does. Being a nurse and Med Student you yourself will now the risks."  
"Yes, I do. Thank you for being so honest with me Doctor Neilson." Abby smiled up to the young doctor. "Just one favour. DO everything you can to help her. I don't know what I would do if she didn't survive."  
"We'll do our best Miss Lockhart."  
  
A.N - I knwo that this is a shorter chapter but what I wanted to happen next will be better served in a new chapter. I want to thank you all for the positive reveiws. And don't worry I couldn't kill off a Carby baby. With the reveiw on the medical stuff, I know that a baby born four weeks early and weighing 4lbs can survive as it happened with my niece, but there were complictions with Abby's birth which I have hopefully cleared up in this chapter if not then let me know. But thank you for pointing it out to me. 


	14. Chapter 14

Susan walked along the corridor into Abby's hospital room again just in case John had appeared back. The room was empty again although she knew he had slept for a while. His shirt lay across the back of a chair. If he had been there where was he now.  
  
She headed down to the ER to see if anyone had seen him. "Doctor Lewis, how are Abby and the baby?" Susan turned to see Neela standing behind her. Everyone else was standing around the admit desk.  
  
"The baby, Holly, lasted the night although is still in critical condition. Abby is holding up. Not sure how well but she's keeping her spirits up for the baby." Susan smiled as she thought of her friend sitting by her daughters incubator. "Has anyone seen Carter?"  
  
"He came down a few hours ago and headed out to the diner down the street. Said to page him if he was needed." Frank informed her.  
  
"Thanks Frank." Susan replied before heading out the door. The wind was biting as she walked down the street. Entering the diner she saw Carter sitting at the back of the diner. "Hey you!"  
  
"Has something happened?" His voice seemed to raise as he looked up to see Susan standing over the top of him.  
  
"She made it through the night, but she's not out of the woods yet. Why did you leave the hospital?" Susan asked as she tried to look him in the eye. There was something different about him.  
  
He took a deep breath and looked up to her. "Kem's gone."  
  
"What?" Susan sounded stunned. "What do you mean gone?"  
  
"She left for Africa this morning. Said that she never really loved me and that the baby she's carrying isn't mine." He looked back down to his hands.  
  
"And she waited till now to tell you?" Susan was beginning to sound angry.  
  
"She called me at midnight and asked to meet me. She told em she was leaving and her reason for going. She chose to do it now because of Abby and the baby. She said that I should give my full attention to Abby and my daughter. Susan I feel so stupid for leaving Abby in the first place. Then yesterday I saw how much I had hurt her and now look at me."  
  
"Go and tell Abby exactly how you feel. She needs to know. You both need one another just now. She needs you more than you need her but your both need one another. Your daughter is still in a critical condition and honestly I don't know what Abby will do if anything happens to her. You have no idea the amount she has gone through since you left. That letter you sent almost sent her over the edge. No one seemed to notice what was happening in her life because she kept herself to herself, but she had lost her sparkle. You know what sparkle I'm talking about?"  
  
"Of course I do. The sparkle in her eyes and her voice. I noticed that when we spoke, but she has gained something as well. She had so much confidence in her voice."  
  
"It's all an act Carter. Go talk to her." Susan said pulling her friend to his feet and pointing him in the direction of the door. "Go!"  
  
Back in the hospital, John stood by the door to the NICU for ages before entering. He stood enraptured by the beauty that sat beside the small incubator. To the outside world, she looked dishevelled and exhausted but to him, she was the most beautiful thing on the planet. He just didn't know how to talk to her anymore. Would she listen to anything he had to say? He hoped she would. He watched as the doctor spoke to her and she unwillingly got up from the chair.  
  
Abby looked up as she reached the door. She jumped back a little, shocked to see John standing there. She gave a small smile before pushing the door open. "Hey, did Susan tell you the news?"  
  
He smiled back at her. "Yeah, although she told me that she isn't out of the woods yet."  
  
Abby shook her head. "No the doctor thinks another 48 hours before we know completely. But he is hopeful." Abby kept her head down, not willing herself to look him in the eye. "He told me to go and lie down for a while. I suppose I have to keep to doctors orders." She laughed as she headed along the corridor to her room. His shirt still lay over the back of the chair. "Did you stay for a bit?"  
  
"Yeah, but I had to go and take care of a few things." He was trying to be non-committal. Although he knew he was failing miserably. She looked up at him for the first time. Staring him straight in the eye. He took the chair beside the bed and sat down. "Abby I want to talk to you, and what I may say is confusing and maybe not what you want to hear but I have to say it. If I don't I think I'll burst."  
  
"Okay. Take your time." Abby took his hand into her own. John subconsciously rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb.  
  
"Okay here goes." John took a deep breath and looked straight into her eyes. They seemed to be shining. "Abby, we have known one another for almost four years now. I have loved you from the first moment I laid eyes on you and nothing will ever change that. I have been a fool. There's probably a worse word for me than that but at this precise moment in time I can't think of it. As you told me yesterday something major happened in my life not that long ago and I chose to run from it instead of staying and fighting. I was a coward. My Gamma died and I honestly didn't know what to do. She was the only person in my life that have ever gave me good advice. Then when she died I had no clue how to act, how to see the rest of the world. I chose to shut you out which I shouldn't have. You were having a tough time as well but I chose to ignore you. Shouldn't have done that. Instead of staying and fighting for you I left thinking that I could find meaning to my life in another country. For a while I thought I had but returning here I realised I hadn't I was just hiding from everything that meant anything to me." John's eyes brimmed with tears. He had been watching the floor while he spoke but he glanced up to look at Abby. Her eyes mirrored his own. "Abby I am so sorry for everything that I put you through. I never realised how mush I could hurt one person until I spoke to you yesterday. I never want to hurt you like that again."  
  
"John." Abby began but stopped, she wasn't sure what she was going to say. "I am hurt you left. I suppose in a way I understand why you ran. I did the same the first time I left Minnesota. I wanted my life to make sense. When I started nursing I thought that was it for me but then when I went to medical school it was a whole other ball game. Then I met you. John you have no idea how you changed my life. You made me see and feel things that I had never allowed myself to before. When you left me I'll admit I was devastated. Then the letter you sent, that finished me. I was already dealing with so much that day. The nurses had gone on strike, Luka had come back and I didn't get to see him, I received your letter then it got read out around the ER." Abby could see John looking at her confused. "Frank found it in the trash and decided that it would make good reading material. I was already two months pregnant and alone. I could have ended it all then I somewhere I found the courage to go back to medical school. I hid the pregnancy until I was four months along. Since then I thought I was happy but seeing you with her made me realise I wasn't. I was just existing. So yes I'm hurt. I'm not going to stop you from seeing Holly but you have your new family now."  
  
"Abby I don't." It was Abby's turn to look confused. "Kem left this morning after admitting the baby was never mine. She used me and when she heard how upset I was about Holly she decided to come clean. She wants you and I to be happy. Abby I want to be happy with you again. I realise that it will take you time to trust me again and I'm willing to wait as long as needed. But please believe me when I tell you that I love you."  
  
Abby gripped his hand tighter. It was what she had waited to hear for so long. He still loved her. "John I love you too, but as you say I am not ready to have you back in my life full time. You need to give me time. Holly needs me right now and I am going to do everything for her. I want my, sorry our daughter to live. I need her too."  
  
"I want her too as well. Abby I'll give you all the time in the world. But remember if you need help just ask." He said. He indicated to her that he wanted to hug her. When she nodded, he enveloped her into his arms and held her tight. It felt so right, and he knew it was. 


	15. Chapter 15

"Miss Lockhart." A young nurse interrupted Abby's thoughts as she watched the snow fall outside the window. Abby turned and looked at her. "The doctors want to try and take Holly of the ventilator. He wondered if you wanted to be there."  
"Of course I would. Can I call a few people first?" The young nurse nodded. Abby lifted the telephone and dialled the all too familiar number. "May I speak to John please?" She asked as soon as Algiers had picked up on the other end.  
"Hello." John voice seemed to be in sing song mode this morning.  
"John, it's Abby, can you come down to the hospital?"  
"Why is something wrong?" He sounded panicky.  
"No, the doctor wants to try Holly off the vent. Can you come?" She pleaded with him. She didn't think she could cope on her own if her daughter had to be placed back on.  
"I'll be there in about twenty minutes. Anything else?" He asked, his voice relaxing somewhat.  
"No, it's all right, I'm going to call Susan as well. I feel she has to be here too. Wait maybe you could call Sam for me and update her."  
"Sure, see you in a bit."  
  
Abby walked along the corridor to the NICU. She had a twisted knot in her stomach, this time through excitement not fear. She could possibly be holding her daughter in he matter of thirty minutes. The one thing that had kept her going throughout the whole pregnancy, holding the baby. She walked up to Holly incubator. "Hi baby girl. It's mommy. The doctors say your getting stronger and they are hoping that you can breath without that big tube in your throat. They are going to take it out in a bit so be a brave girl for me and let them. Everyone loves you Holly and want you to live so hopefully you can do without it." Abby placed her hand inside the incubator and stroked her tiny daughters tummy.  
Doctor Neilson walked up to Abby. "Miss Lockhart are we ready for this?" He asked with a smile on his face.  
"That we are doctor Neilson, although can you wait just a few more minutes. Holly's father is on his way. He wants to be here for this." Abby said turning her attention from the doctor back to her daughter.  
"Certainly, I'll be back when he arrives." The doctor walked away again leaving Abby alone with her daughter.  
  
Carter and Susan arrived at the same time. "You ready for this?" Susan asked him. He looked so nervous. He could only nod. "Everything will be okay. Just you wait and see."  
They walked into the NICU and up to Abby, who stood by Holly's incubator. "Hi." Her voice sounded so small and meek. She sounded so afraid. John could tell by looking at her just how frightened she was. She was biting on her finger, something she had a habit of doing when nervous. He smiled at her and gently touched her arm. She smiled up at him.  
"Abby, John, we are going to turn the ventilator off first. You know the procedure, we wait and if she is making attempts to breath on her own, we will remove the tube." Doctor Neilson explained to them. He knew that they both knew what was happening but he still felt the need to tell them.  
  
The nurse slowly turned the ventilator off. The noise whizzing down till there was no noise at all. Susan looked to Abby and John. Abby stood with her hands in a praying position beside hr mouth. Her lips were moving as if she was saying something but Susan couldn't make it out. John placed his hand on Abby's back just to let her know he was there. Abby glanced up at him, removing her hands from her lips. She attempted a smile but it didn't come. She turned back to their daughter and continued to watch as her little chest rose and fell. She was breathing on her own but could she sustain it for five minutes.  
"Five minutes doctor." The nurse said in a whisper. John and Abby seemed to hold their own breaths waiting for the doctors evaluation.  
"I want to try and remove the tube. She held her own for five minutes, removing the tube is the next big test." Doctor Neilson reached into the incubator and gently removed the tube. Holly made a little coughing sound as it was removed, Abby gasped as she did this, hoping it would lead to something new. Holly went quiet again, but still her chest rose and fell. Abby had gone back to chewing on her finger. John gently rubbed her back. After a minute Holly coughed again. Doctor Neilson listened to her chest. He turned to Abby and John. "Things are sounding good in there."  
Abby couldn't help but smile. "Really?"  
"Yes, would you like to listen for yourselves. Your daughter has a very healthy sounding pair of lungs." The doctor handed Abby his stethoscope. She listened to her daughters lungs before allowing John to listen. "I'm about to ask you the question that I already know the answer too, would you like to hold her?"  
Abby's eyes lit up. Tears sprung into her eyes. "Can I?" Doctor Neilson nodded as he unhooked the last of the machines attached to Holly's tiny body.  
"Would you like to sit?" He asked.  
Abby shook her head. "I know that this might sound strange but I'd like to stand. John, will you stand behind me and hold her too. I want the first time holding her to be together." Carter smiled at her. Of course he wanted to hold his daughter and he couldn't think of a better way to do it for the first time. He edged himself in behind Abby and wrapped his arms around her waist. He felt her lean back against him. Doctor Neilson held Holly out to Abby. Abby's arms went out immediately for her, cradling her in her arms. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world. There they were standing like a normal family. John's arms came up to encircle Abby's. The both held their beautiful baby girl without having to say a word. Nothing needed to be said. They were both too happy with what was happening. John leaned in a kissed Abby's head as she did the same to Holly. Little did they know they had a photographed clicking away at the most precious moments they had ever experienced. 


	16. Chapter 16

A.N - So sorry that it has taken me so long to update. I've been having some writers block but I have also been really busy. I want to thank you all for your encouraging reviews. I'm glad you are enjoying.  
  
Abby awoke with the sun shining on her face. She smiled, yesterday she held her daughter for the first time. She was so tiny, but so incredibly beautiful. She hoped that Holly would gain weight quickly, to allow her to come home. Abby was desperate to take her home and start living the life she wanted with her daughter. The main thing Abby remembered about the day before was the look on Carter's face when she handed Holly to him, to hold on his own. His eyes sparkled, shining with tears that threatened to fall. They had looked at each other so deeply, as if looking for the very first time. So much was said without a word being spoken. She couldn't deny her feelings for him, she loved him, always had and probably always would, but there was so much to talk about.  
She could hear his soft snores from the corner of the room. He had stayed the night. She smiled looking at him. He always looked like such a little boy when he slept. His hair was all ruffled, his cheeks rosy. So adorable. She wished that she could tell him the truth as to how she felt but it seemed impossible. Even after all they had been through in the years they had known one another.  
A small tap came on the door, pulling Abby away from her stare-a-thon of Carter. She looked up and indicated to the nurse it was okay to enter. The nurse came in pushing Holly's incubator in front of her. "Miss Lockhart, The doctor wondered if you would like to try breast feeding Holly?"  
"Of course I would." Abby answered excitedly, the smile on her face was enough to rival the Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland. "Does Doctor Neilson think she is ready?"  
"I think Holly will benefit from the closeness that you will both share from the experience." Doctor Neilson's voice came from the doorway. "I'm not sure whether she will actually get anything from you but it's worth a go. She's a strong little girl Abby and she needs you."  
"Thank you Doctor Neilson. You don't know how much this means to me." Abby told the doctor as she slowly unbuttoned her night-shirt and took Holly into her arms. She positioned herself in the bed as comfortably as possible before guiding Holly to her breast. The little girl needed no prompting, she seemed to know exactly what she was doing, latching on first time and suckling away. Abby was amazed by the sensation she felt as Holly drank from her. The doctor and nurse smiled at mother and child before quietly leaving the room. "John, wake up." Abby called across the room trying to rouse Carter from his slumber.  
"What?" Carter seemed all disorientated when he first awoke. "What's happening?"  
"Your daughter's breast feeding for the first time, I thought you might like to see." Abby said lovingly as she stroked her daughter's head. She had such soft hair, light brown the same as Abby.  
"She is?" John moved over and sat on the edge of Abby's bed watching in awe as she fed their daughter. He couldn't believe the miracle he was witnessing. He finally had a family, not one that he expected to have but a family none the less. "Abby, I know that this is maybe the wrong time to be telling you this but I can't thank you enough for what you have given me. You and Holly are family to me now, a family that I never expected to have but you have given it to me and I am so grateful to you."  
"John, you don't have to thank me but we do have to talk, just not here. Somehow it doesn't seem appropriate to talk here. They talked about letting me home this afternoon. I don't want to leave her, but they say she'll be here for a few more weeks until her weight comes up more."  
"The rate she's going I don't think it'll be long before she's coming home." John said stroking his daughters cheek, causing her to let go and turn her head. He smiled down at her, she was his daughter and nothing would change that.  
Abby was silent for a while before she finally spoke. "I'm scared though John. You don't know what I have gone through in these last eight months. All the upheaval, not just physical but emotional. I never thought I would be a mother, let alone a single one."  
"But you aren't going to be." John interrupted.  
"That's just it John, I am. Even though you are here and wanting to be part of her life, who says in three months you won't run back off to Africa again." Tears had come into Abby's eyes. She had never admitted so much to one person before. Holly had finished feeding. Abby lifted Holly off her chest and placed her over her shoulder.  
"Abby, I won't leave you ever again. I left you once and it was the biggest mistake I have ever made, I'll never do it again. I have to much to live for here in Chicago. I have you and Holly. Abby I love you. I have loved you from the moment I saw you. Going to Africa and meeting Kem was all just a blip in time. A blip that I wish I could erase."  
  
"But you thought you were having a child with her?" Abby spat at him. How could he tell her that he loved her when he thought he was having a family with another woman.  
"Yes, I now but I never loved her, not in the way that I love you. I could never love anyone the way that I love you. No one in the world could ever come close to you. You are my world Abby, you and Holly and no-one will ever change that for em." HE leaned over kissing Abby's forehead. Leaning back he wiped the tears that had fallen down her cheek. "I truly meant at Abby and I hope that some day you'll find it in your heart to believe me." 


	17. Chapter 17

As she opened the door to her apartment, Abby sighed. John watched as her face fell. He had no idea how she was feeling, he knew how he felt but her, she had carried Holly for eight months and to leave her in the hospital must have been really tough. "Do you want me to stay?" He asked cautiously.  
She thought for a minute before answering him. "I'd really like to be alone if that's okay." She turned to look at him, a genuine smile on her face.  
"That's okay. Call me if you need anything." He gave her a peck on the cheek before leaving the apartment.  
Abby looked around her. She had left the apartment a week ago, being in labour. The place was in a bit of a mess. She walked around the sofa, picking bits and pieces off the floor as she went. In her bedroom the bed still lay in the disarray that it always lay in. She remembered back to when Carter had lived with her. The bed was made every morning. He was such a neat freak. She was the exact opposite.  
She came back out of her room and turned to go into the spare bedroom that was now Holly's nursery. She couldn't help but smile as she entered it. The walls were a cheerful yellow colour. The handy work of herself and young Alex. Alex, she hadn't thought about him all week. He had been such a help to her throughout her pregnancy. They had become best buddies. She thought about calling Sam and asking her and Alex to come around but she wasn't sure she was up to company. She had just left her baby daughter in hospital. Even though the doctors were very pleased with her she still was underweight and still had a little problem breathing properly sometimes.  
Sliding down the wall in Holly's room she began to think of all that could go wrong and all that could go right. Closing her eyes, she began daydreaming of her perfect situation.  
  
The day was warm. Abby, John and Holly were out for a walk along the river. John was pushing the stroller with one hand while holding Abby's hand in the other. The sun shone caught the diamond ring that sat on Abby's finger casting a rainbow over Holly's stroller. They were smiling and laughing. Continuing to walk further along the river they met Susan and Chuck with their baby, a little boy. They were sitting with a picnic, inviting John and Abby to join them. Everyone having such a good time.  
  
If only life was like that. She knew that it could go the other way and John could up and leave again. He could just as easy leave for Africa again. It was nothing for him to do it the first time without telling her so she knew he could do it again. She hoped he didn't. The way they had been together the last few days had been wonderful and she hoped that they could finally work things out.  
  
The phone rang breaking Abby from the trance she was in. She wiped the lone tear that had slipped down her cheek. "Hello." She weakly answered.  
"Abby, it's David Neilson, from the NICU. I know you've just left but can you come back?"  
Abby panicked. "Why, what's wrong?" A million thoughts began to race through her head.  
"I'm afraid Holly has taken a turn for the worse. I'll explain everything when you get here." Doctor Neilson told her.  
"I'll be there as quickly as I can." Abby said as she slammed the phone down. She quickly grabbed her keys before running out of the apartment.  
  
When she arrived at the NICU, she wasn't prepared for what she was confronted with. She walked straight to Holly's incubator. Gasping, she stepped back with her hand over her mouth. She couldn't believe how her baby girl looked. When she had left that morning, Holly wasn't attached to any machines, her oxygen had been cut right back to night time only. Abby had breast fed her just before leaving, now she was intubated again, had two IV's in her tiny body, a feeding tube in her nose and a heart monitor. Abby couldn't stop the tears from flowing as she took her daughters tiny hand into her own. "Abby."  
Doctor Neilson's vice broke through Abby's consciousness. She quickly wiped the tears away as she turned. "Doctor Neilson, what happened?" She choked out, sobs threatening to wrack her body.  
"Abby, sit down." Doctor Neilson directed Abby into the chair beside the incubator. He crouched down so he was at her level. "WE received Holly's test results back. It has been discovered that one of her heart valves isn't working properly. It's caused her breathing to become laboured and her heart to slow. We are giving her medication right now but it's apparent that she will need surgery."  
Abby's cry became apparent to all in the NICU. She knew of the risks but hearing them from the doctor about her child she couldn't help but cry. "We've contacted Holly's father for you." Doctor Neilson continued as he led her from the NICU to the family room across the hall.  
Abby didn't answer. She dropped to the sofa, her head falling into her hands. She wasn't dealing at all with the news she had been given. She began hyperventilating. "I.........Can't..........Breath." She managed to spit out. Doctor Neilson placed his hand on her back, slowly pushing her down so her head was between her knees. Hr breathing soon went back to normal. He sat for a few more minutes with her before heading back across to the NICU. Abby began pacing the floor of the room. Why was this happening to her? Hadn't she been punished enough?

Mean's dream.

Another Chapter, hope you are still enjoying


	18. Chapter 18

Carter took the stairs two at a time. "John, wait." Susan called from behind. "I'm no that quick anymore." She attempted to joke. Susan had been at Carter's house when the phone call about Holly had come through. She had never seen anyone move as quickly. He was up and straight towards the door without an explanation or a look back.  
Upon reaching the NICU Carter went straight to Doctor Neilson. "Doctor Carter, Doctor Lewis, I only wish that it was under better circumstances that I called you here. I have already explained everything to Abby but I am unsure of what she actually heard. I didn't think she was up to telling you."  
"Where is Abby?" Susan interrupted the doctor.  
"She's in the family waiting room, pretty distressed. Not long after you left to take her home, the tests results on Holly arrived back. They show that Holly has a right ventricle weakness. Right now we are trying medication, but it looks like she may need surgery." Doctor Neilson explained as he led them to Holly.  
Susan and John both gasped as they reached the incubator. Seeing such a tiny body attached to so many machines was heart breaking. "When do you think surgery might be?" John slowly asked the doctor.  
"It could be as early as this afternoon, we won't know until the scans come back. You can wait here beside her or head to the lounge with Abby. Completely up to yourselves. I would say that Abby needs you. If that's not out of place to say."  
John smiled a little. "It's not out of place Doctor. Thank you for all you are doing." John reached across and shook the young doctor's hand. He slipped his hand into the incubator before leaving the NICU.  
Opening the door to the family room, they couldn't see anyone sitting. "She'll be on the roof." John said, knowing it was the only place she ever felt safe. His voice seemed void of emotion to Susan, but then he had just been told his week old daughter needed life saving surgery.  
"John, look." Susan pointed to the dark corner of the room where a figure was huddled in the corner.  
"Oh Abby." He whispered, crossing the room in four strides till he was by her side. "I'm here gorgeous. I'm right here." He tried to get her to look at him, but she was being defiant. Her body began to shake as her cries got louder. "Abby, it's all right, I'm here now. We'll get through this." He repeated over and over again until eventually she collapsed into his arms.  
Susan surveyed the scene in front of her. She knew it sounded silly but it reminded of a scene from the movie Ransom. It was the scene near the end when Mel Gibson thinks his son has just been shot and he and Rene Russo are out on the terrace. She could only hope that good news came to her best friends as well.  
An hour later, Abby was asleep. She had cried herself out finally falling asleep with her head in John's lap. Susan sat off to one side, her hand touching the bump that held her child. She glanced back at Abby. Susan couldn't bear to think what Abby was going through. Sounding selfish she prayed her baby was okay.  
The door to the waiting room opened. John and Susan looked up to see Sam and Alex standing by the door. Alex looking overawed by all her had seen in his walk up to the NICU. When he laid eyes on Abby, Susan could clearly see tears in his eyes. John placed his finger at his lips indicating that Abby was asleep.  
"How are they both doing?" Sam asked quietly as she took the seat beside Susan. Alex sitting on the other side.  
"Not so great." Susan answered in a hushed voice. "We are waiting on Doctor Neilson to return to tell us when Holly will need surgery." Both women fell into an eerie silence. Not looking at anything.  
Alex was looking all around the room, his eyes always landing on Abby. John was running his hands through her hair in a comforting way, just the same as she did to him. He hadn't seen Abby in ages and all he wanted to do was give her a hug. His mom had told him little of what was going on. He only knew that little baby Holly was ill. When he heard Susan say surgery, he knew it was serious. Surgery meant getting cut open and something done. If Holly was so small could she fight it, would she survive? Alex contemplated the answers in his head as everyone else did the same.  
After another hour, Doctor Neilson appeared back at the door. Elizabeth Corday was standing behind him. John knew that only meant one thing. Holly was going to surgery. He gave Abby's shoulder a shake. Abby began to stir before remembering where she was. She jumped from where she lay. She saw Elizabeth standing. "She's going to surgery isn't she?" Abby nodding, already knowing the answer.  
Elizabeth walked across beside her. "Abby, John, Holly's heart isn't functioning properly. She has to go into surgery so we can correct it." John could hear the sadness in Elizabeth's voice. Since Abby had gone back to school he knew Elizabeth had become a friend. He could also see the tears in her eyes as she spoke. "I am going to be with her the entire time."  
"Thank you." Was all Abby could say. Tears began to fall from her eyes again. Elizabeth gave her a hug, whispering something only Abby could hear. Abby turned to Doctor Neilson. "Can we see her before she goes down?"  
"Of course." He opened the door signally them to follow him. Susan, Sam and Alex hung back. As much as Alex wanted to go, he seemed to know what was going on. John and Abby needed this time.  
Alex turned to his mom. "Could Holly die?" His question, so serious but full of emotion.  
"Yeah baby." Sam said running her hand over Alex's head before pulling him into a hug. Alex wrapped his arms around his mom before noticing Susan standing outside the hug, with tears in her eyes. He reached over and put his arm around Susan too. She gave him a watery smile, placing her arm around him too.

Two chapters in one day. How am I doing? Were these chapters okay? Please let me know


	19. Chapter 19

The family waiting room of the NICU had an eerie silence over it. It had been that way for the last hour ever since Elizabeth had taken Holly down to surgery. Everyone was in their own little world.  
Abby had distanced herself from everyone. She was back in the dark corner John had found her in. She was looking out of the window at nothing in particular, although the stars were mesmerising. She was silently wishing on everyone of them to make her daughter better.  
John was still sitting on the small sofa. His head had fallen into his hands. His mind was spinning with everything that had happened in the last few weeks. He went back to thinking about the last few weeks. He had come back from Africa with thought s of a new family life. He truly believed that Kem loved him and was pregnant with his child. He had began imagining life with her and their child. Walks in the park, teaching the child to ride a bike, watching the child walk into school on the first day. But it all changed, after being home for roughly a week things had gone haywire. Kem left him to go back to Africa telling him that she never loved him and that the child she was carrying wasn't his.  
Another family had fallen straight into his lap. Abby, the love of his life had given birth to a true Carter. Baby Holly was only a week old but had already gone through so much. So had Abby. He didn't quite understand all she went through while he was in Africa but he knew it had been hard on her. And now they both had the agonising wait to see if their daughter would survive surgery and if she would be all right in the future.  
John looked over to where Abby stood. He desperately wanted to take her into his arms and hold her, telling her that things were going to be all right. But even he didn't know that.  
Susan watched her two best friends go through the impossible turmoil of waiting. Waiting to find out if their daughter was alive. The look of fear on both of their faces was intense. Susan had never seen two people more fearful in her whole career of medicine. No matter how bad the news that she delivered to a patient they all seemed to take it in their stride. But when it came to John and Abby, being told their daughter may not make it was excruciatingly painful for both.  
Looking to Abby first she could see her best friend chewing on her fingers. She did that when she was nervous or scared. She looked so lost, so far away. John didn't look much better. He would constantly look between Abby and the clock, knowing that the longer they were in surgery the worse things were.  
Sam sat with her arm around Alex's shoulder. Every so often giving it a small squeeze as if to remind herself he was still there. She could only imagine what her new best friend was going through. If anything had to happen to Alex, she knew she would be a mess. Alex had come into her life when she was so young but now she knew that she couldn't do without him. He could be a pain most of the time, but they were buddies. She was always there for him and he for her. It sounded strange saying that she relied on her son but she did. He meant so much to her and now looking back if she hadn't gone through with giving birth, who knows what she would have been like.  
Alex was feeling really overwhelmed by what was going on. No-one had talked in a while and they were all acting really strange. He knew that what Holly was going through was tough and very serious but he thought that being Abby's daughter she would pull through. Abby was the strongest person, beside his mother that he knew. Looking at Abby now, she didn't seem all that strong.  
The door to the waiting room opened and everyone turned their attention towards it. Luka walked in, looking around he nodded silently apologising for disturbing everyone. Abby immediately turned back to the window. Luka motioned to Sam. She walked across to him and he placed his arm around her shoulder, turning her away from everyone. In a hushed voice he spoke. "I was wondering if you wanted me to take Alex home?"  
"Yeah, that would be great. Not sure that he will want to go but he has too." Sam turned and motioned to Alex. "Alex, Luka's going to take you home."  
"No mom, I want to stay with Abby." Alex's voice wasn't quite as soft as Sam and Luka's. Abby turned to where the little boy stood. Alex turned to look at her. He could see the tears in her eyes. "Abby I want to stay with you and see if Holly's okay."  
"Come here." Abby opened her arms and the little boy ran into them. "Alex, I'd love you to stay as well but you need to go home and get some rest. And do me a huge favour. I know you don't like to pray but say a little one for Holly. She needs it just now. DO you think you can do that?" Abby's voice sounded close to breaking. Alex took a minute to think and he slowly nodded. "Thank you. Now give me a big hug and I'll see you in the morning." Alex complied before heading back to Luka and his mom.  
Sam and Luka hugged before he lifted Alex into his arms and left the room. Abby turned back to the window while Sam sat down beside Susan again. The room fell silent again. "I can't take this anymore." Abby's voice broke through the silence. She headed for the door.  
John caught her arm. "Where are you going?" He said standing as if he was going with her.  
"John, I need half an hour on my own out of here. It's doing my head in standing here not knowing what's happening or what I can do to make it better. Please just give me this." She shook his arm off her before running out the door heading towards the elevators.  
John looked back to the rooms only residents. "John , give her time. I know that you are going through hell right now but, not to sound sexist, she did carry Holly for all that time. Try and understand?" Susan spoke to him.  
"I am trying." He whispered, placing his head back into his hands. 


	20. Chapter 20

Abby reached her desired destination within minutes. She couldn't believe how claustrophobic she had felt while standing in that room surrounded by her friends and the man that she loved. No-one knew what she was feeling, even she didn't know how she was feeling. How could she explain to others what she felt when she couldn't make sense of it in her own head.  
Standing on the roof she felt all her troubles fly away with the wind that had started to blow. The darkness of the sky seemed to mirror her mood as she made her way to the edge of the roof. The edge that had been her sanctuary for so long. Many a time she had stood up here making decisions, running away from problems or just to celebrate good times. Not that there were many of the latter. More often or not was that she came up to make painful descisions in her life.  
She could still remember the night John had proposed to her. She had just had the two worst days of the year. Her brother's plane had gone off radar, leading her to believe he was dead. She had proceed to get drunk for the first time in a while. It had felt good at the time but she knew that she would regret it. John had come home early from his scuba diving trip, her mother had shown up. Her brother's plane had eventually turned up without her brother. She had been relieved in a way. She had come up to the roof to end her hellish days and that was when John had found her and proposed.  
Why hadn't she said yes? It was a question that plagued her till now. It would probably still plague her until the day she died. 'Maybe if I had said yes I wouldn't be in the mess I am right now." She thought to herself. 'If I had said yes and married him, he wouldn't have gone to the Congo. I wouldn't have spent an entire pregnancy alone. My baby wouldn't have been born early and maybe she wouldn't be in surgery right now.'  
Thoughts swirled in her head. She thought back to what she had asked young Alex to do for her and Holly. She wasn't a religious person herself but she dropped to her knees. "Lord, I know I don't speak to you often, in fact I don't remember the last time I spoke to you, but I really need your help. My baby daughter is going through surgery right now and I need you to look over her and keep her safe and well. I need her Lord. Please help her."  
John stood behind Abby as she finished saying her little prayer. He didn't want to interrupt her but he knew she would want to hear what he had to say. "Abby."  
Abby's head shot around at his voice. She stared up at him with tear filled eyes. "Is she out?" The question seemed to stick in her throat. John nodded his head. "Is she...............okay?" She stuttered the last word out.  
"Elizabeth wants to talk to us." He helped her to her feet and led her back down the dimly lit stair case. His arm was protectively round her shoulder. She reached her hand up to grip his hand. He gave her hand a little squeeze. "Abby no matter what happens, know that I am here for you."  
"Thanks." She replied as they reached their floor. Opening the door Abby squinted her eyes against the harsh lighting of the corridor. John led her along the corridor to Elizabeth's office.  
"Hi." Elizabeth's soft English accent was heard as they entered the office. "Have a seat." She told them pointing to the comfy sofa that sat along a wall that seemed to be adorned with Ella's art work. Sitting on the sofa, John's arm stayed around Abby's shoulder. Looking at her face she looked ready to burst into tears at any second, no matter what the outcome. "I just want to say, you have a fighter for a daughter." Abby let out a gasp when she heard that. "She came through the surgery all right, but I warn you she isn't out of the woods yet. There is a possibility that she may need further surgery in the next year."  
"Thank you Elizabeth." Abby's voice came out very small. She reached her hand out to Elizabeth, who graciously took it. "Thank you for saving our daughters life."  
"You are welcome. I told you before the surgery that I would do everything in my power to save her."  
  
"And you did. I will forever be indebted to you." Abby continued as the tears flowed down her cheeks. "Can we see her?"  
"Only for a few minutes. And please don't be alarmed by what you see." Elizabeth told them leading them along the corridor and up the stairs to the NICU.  
Back up in the NICU Abby an John headed over to their daughters incubator. Halfway across, John reached out and took Abby's hand into his own. She smiled weakly up to him. As they got nearer to the incubator he could feel Abby's hand getting tighter round his own. He could feel her hand trembling in his own. He was fighting hard to stop himself from trembling.  
As they both looked at their daughter, lying with every possible machine attached to her, they could help but let out a cry. Abby began sobbing as John pulled her closer to him, letting her lean against him. He stroked her back whispering to her. "We'll get through this, I promise you."  
  
A.N - Another two chapters this weekend. I have no clue where this has all come from but I hope you are enjoying it. 


	21. Chapter 21

It had been a few days since Holly's surgery and Abby hadn't moved from the side of her incubator. From the second Elizabeth had taken Abby and John to see Holly after her surgery, Abby had spent all of her time in the chair by the incubator. She only left to use the bathroom or get coffee. Sitting watching her daughter being kept alive by machines was killing her slowly. She hadn't eaten for three days. She was keeping herself going by drinking extremely strong coffee.  
John was really worried about her, but unsure of what to do or how to get through to her. He couldn't sit by and watch her kill herself but he also didn't know the right words to say to let her know that he was there for her. He had told her often enough that he was there and would stay by her but it didn't seem to penetrate Abby's brain. She hadn't really spoken in three days either, only speaking to the doctors that surrounded the incubator every so often checking on their daughter.  
It was on the fourth day after the surgery that Holly began to come too. Abby awoke to the feeling of her moving. "Doctor Neilson." Abby called out. The doctor came running over to the incubator. Noticing Holly's movements he listened to her heart and lungs  
Looking up to Abby he smiled. "She seems to be coming out of it okay." HE smiled as he spoke. He was so glad that this case was finally turning out well. "If you give me a few minutes I am going to contact Doctor Corday and Doctor Phillips before I attempt to take any of the machines off her."  
"I may be showing my ignorance here but who is Doctor Phillips again?" Abby rubbed her hand across her face. She couldn't believe what she was being told. Her daughter may get off the machines again and hopefully for longer this time.  
"He is the paediatric heart surgeon." Abby nodded, her brain had turned to fuzz and she had seen so many doctors in the last few weeks she couldn't remember who everyone was.  
Abby took a deep breath before looking down to her daughter again. Holly was beginning to open her eyes. "Hi baby." Abby was close to tears as she spoke to her baby. "You gave mommy a big scare but you're going to be all right." She stroked her daughter cheek before taking her little hand into her own. Abby thought about calling John but she wasn't sure. She had been really off to him recently and wasn't sure how he would react to her again. Then again his daughter was coming around. She caught a hold of the nearest nurse and asked her to page John.  
In what seemed like only minutes John was by her side. Abby looked amazed he was there so quickly. "I was working downstairs when I got the page, what's wrong?"  
"Look." Abby said pointing to Holly. John looked down and found himself looking straight into his daughters deep brown eyes.  
"Oh my.......... When?" He asked taking Holly's other hand into his own.  
"About twenty minutes ago. Doctor Neilson has gone to get Elizabeth and Doctor Phillips before he does anything. They'll be able to assess better." As she finished speaking Elizabeth appeared beside them.  
"I hear someone decided to wake up." She smiled at John and Abby. They smiled back, nodding. "Can you give myself and Doctor Phillips a few minutes and then I'll come and speak to you."  
"Sure." John replied placing his hand on Abby's back. "We'll be in the waiting room."  
Abby looked reluctant about leaving her baby but she knew the doctor's had to work. She allowed John to lead her away. She knew she would have to talk to him as well, apologise for her behaviour over the last few days. Sitting down on the sofa she turned to John. "I have to apologise to you."  
"What for?" John asked innocently.  
"My behaviour over the last few days. John I realise how much I have shut people out but I could only focus on Holly. I honestly don't know what I would have done if we had lost her."  
"Abby you have no need to apologise. You did what you felt was right. What worried me was the fact that you haven't eaten." John said wrapping his arm around her shoulder allowing her head to fall onto his shoulder.  
"I'm fine, honest. Maybe a little tired but I won't rest till she is in my arms. I know that you are the same."  
"Yeah. I suppose. How about after Elizabeth has spoken to us I take you out for dinner?"  
"I know that I won't win this argument so I'll have to agree."  
"That you will." He said pulling her closer to him and kissing her head.  
  
A few hours later Susan and Chuck were heading out for dinner when Susan stopped walking. "What's wrong sweetheart?" Chuck asked her.  
"Look." She told him pointing to the restaurant door. Chuck turned to see John and Abby exiting the restaurant hand in hand. Susan approached them. "Hi guys."  
"Susan, there you are." Abby greeted her friend with a hug. "We've been trying to get a hold of you."  
  
"What's happened?"  
"Holly came round this afternoon. She's going to be all right." Abby almost burst as she told her friend the greatest news. Susan hugged both her friends.  
"That's fantastic. Did they say when she'll get home?"  
"They hope in the next couple of weeks, presuming she keeps up the good work."  
  
"See, I told you she was a fighter." Susan said hugging her friend again.  
"That you did." Abby replied leaning back into John. He held her tight, frightened to let go of her in case she ran again. This time he wanted to make sure he kept a good grip on her.  
  
A.N I know a bit of a rubbish end to this chapter but I couldn't think of anything better. Next chapter should be better. Should only be a few more chapters till it ends. I want to thank you all for the reviews it's been fantastic to receive them. 


	22. Chapter 22

Abby's POV  
  
I can't believe this. I am finally doing what I have dreamed of doing since the day I found out I was pregnant. I am carrying my daughter into our apartment building and upstairs into our apartment. She's home.  
Yesterday at the hospital they gave her a whole bunch of tests and she passed the lot. She gained enough weight to be allowed home. I had no idea just how small she was when she was born. She weighed only 3lbs and 6ozs. They told me she had lost even more in that week before her surgery but now she is almost 7lbs and eating the right amount.  
The tests all came back telling us things that we had kind of guessed the answers too. We had spent a lot of time talking with Elizabeth and Doctor Phillips. She is on medication right now and they say she may need further surgery in about a years time but for now she is healthy enough to come home.  
John came to collect us from the hospital in his new car. He claimed the jeep wasn't a child friendly car, so he sold it and we came home in a brand new Grand Jeep Cherokee. It's still a jeep but a safer one, so he tells me. We have got so much closer in these last few weeks. When there is nothing to do but sit by your daughter in hospital it forces you to communicate and we did, finally sorting out all our differences. We have even talked about trying again. I so want it to work this time as I don't think I could cope this time if he had to leave me. Right now I don't think I'd cope at all. He has been such a rock for me since Holly went through surgery and I know I pushed him way but when we talked I managed to divulge why I have a habit of pushing people away.  
I believe that it comes from my childhood when my father left and I was left to cope with my manic mother and young brother. I practically raised Eric and it was hard. Until now I don't think I ever really realised how hard it had been. John has helped me see just what I had been putting myself through by cutting myself off from people. He truly is my best friend and I hope in time it can be more.  
We have reached the apartment door and I look down to my baby. She has decided that it is time to wake up and see where she is going to be living. John looks over at us and smiles. I know he is happy to that she is home. He opens the door and I am greeted by all my friends. "Welcome Home, Holly" the banner on the wall reads. I gasp, I am so shocked. I didn't know anything about this. I look around to see who is there and I see Susan and Chuck, I haven't seen her in so long but she is looking fantastic. Almost six and a half months gone. I hope things go better for her than I have had. Chuny and Haleh are there too. In the corner I can see Sam and Luka and Alex. Alex looks like he might burst if he can't see Holly soon.  
"I can't believe this. You guys are the best." I managed to speak but can feel the tears in my eyes.  
"Well we couldn't let this little ones homecoming go passed unannounced." Susan said coming across to hug me. "Welcome home."  
"Thank you. Do you want to hold her?" I ask her. She is my daughters god-mother. I couldn't think of a better person. She has been my confidant, friend and sounding post since I became pregnant.  
"I think someone is going to have an accident if he doesn't get first hold." She laughs pointing in Alex's direction. The young boy is practically dancing.  
"Alex, do you want to hold Holly?" His eyes light up as he nods his head. I walk around the sofa and lay my daughter into his awaiting arms. He looks so sweet with her and I needn't worry about pictures as everyone here seems to have a camera.  
"She's so tiny Abby." Alex comments. "But so beautiful. I told you she would be."  
I smile to my little friend. "You certainly did Alex. Do you think she'll like her nursery?"  
"Can I show her?" I nod although I am a little worried about him getting up with her in his arms. Luckily Sam steps in and takes Holly allowing Alex to stand. I secretly think she wanted a cuddle too before her son steals my baby.  
  
A few hours later and our last guests have left and inside I am glad. John is still here and that I am grateful for. I am hoping he will want to spend the night. "John, can I ask you something?"  
"Anything." He answers as he puts the last dish away.  
"Do you want to stay tonight?" I watch as his eyes grow. "It is her first night home after all."  
"I'd love to. Where will she be sleeping?"  
"In beside me." I answer. I know what he's thinking, where is he sleeping? "I was kinda hoping you might like to join us. It may sound silly but I want us to all be together tonight. I feel we have been through so much these last few weeks that I need you just as much as she does."  
"I would be honoured Abby." He answers as he sits beside us, his arm stretching across the back of the sofa to hold onto us.  
  
End POV  
The moonlight spills across the room, shining on the bodies asleep in bed. Holly seems to have a whole side of bed to herself while Abby lays where she has wanted to be for so long. He back rests against John's chest, his arm circling her waist. Her hand lays beside her daughter. They had both lay watching their daughter for such a long time before finally falling asleep. Back where they belonged.  
  
A.N - One more chapter to go and then it will be over. I hope you are still enjoying. I love receiving your comments so please let me know. 


	23. Chapter 23

Waking to his daughters cry was music to John's ears. He quietly extracted himself from Abby's grasp to go and get her. He padded through to the nursery where his daughter lay red faced in her crib. "Hey angel, what's the problem?" He asked, but as he lifted her he discovered the problem. "Ah, a little diaper explosion, I see."  
Holly calmed as soon as she was in her fathers arms. She was still calm as he lay her on the mat and tried to get the clothes from her without getting her even more messy. John couldn't get over the change in her. They had celebrated her sixth month birthday the day previous and realised how far she had come in such a short period of time. Doctor Neilson, Doctor Phillips and Elizabeth were all so pleased with the progress she had made.  
After Holly was safely in a clean diaper, John lifted her to his bare chest to find some clean clothes for her. He began to giggle as she tried to root around his chest. "I'm afraid you won't get anything from me angel."  
"Feeding time again." Abby's voice from the doorway startled John a bit. She had been standing fro a while just watching Daddy and daughter bond. She loved watching them together, she also loved being part of their time together. There was nothing better than the three of them snuggled up together.  
"Yeah." John said as he watched her sit in the antique rocking chair his father had sent them. She unbuttoned the top four button's of the shirt she was wearing as John handed her their diaper clad daughter.  
"Can you believe she is six months old already?" Abby asked as her daughter latched on straight away and began suckling.  
"Six months old and already been through so much." John said wistfully as he crouched down in front of them. He rested one hand on Abby's leg while the other stroked Holly's head.  
"So have we. Just think where we were at this point last year." Abby said thinking back over the year.  
"I had just left for Africa again, being the stupid fool that I am." He answered, removing his hand from Holly's head and taking Abby's free hand into his own.  
"I had just found out I was pregnant with this little angel and in two minds of what to do." Abby briefly let go of John's hand to run her finger down Holly's cheek. She placed her hand on John's cheek. He leaned into her touch. "Now, I don't' know what I'd do without her." She paused. "Without you."  
He leaned in and kissed her forehead. Although nothing had been made official, John had moved into Abby's not long after they had brought Holly home from the hospital. Falling asleep in one anothers arms felt right. It felt as if they had been doing it all their lives.  
Holly finished feeding but looked in no mood to go back to sleep. "How about a little dancing?" John suggested as Abby redid the buttons on her shirt, or should she say the shirt John had discarded on the floor the night before. Abby snapped Holly into a clean baby-gro as John turned the stereo on and played the song he thought best described their relationship. Music played softly as they joined one another on the floor and began to sway.  
  
"The long and winding road  
  
That leads to your door  
  
Will never disappear  
  
I've seen that road before  
  
It always leads me here  
  
Leads me to your door  
  
The wild and windy night  
  
That the rain washed away  
  
Has left a pool of tears  
  
Crying for the day  
  
Why leave me standing here  
  
Let me know the way  
  
Many times I've been alone, many times I've cried  
  
Anyway you'll never know, the many ways I've tried  
  
But still they lead me back to the...  
  
Long, winding road  
  
You left me standing here  
  
A long, long time ago  
  
Don't leave me waiting here  
  
Lead me to your door  
  
Yeah yeah yeah yeah  
  
Still they lead me back  
  
To the long winding road  
  
You left me standing here  
  
A long, long time ago  
  
Don't leave me waiting here  
  
Lead me to your door  
  
Yeah yeah yeah  
  
As the music faded John glanced down to his two girls wrapped tightly in his arms. Holly had fallen fast asleep, helped by the music and the soft circles her mother was drawing sub-consciously on her back. "Abby, she's asleep."  
"I know, I just don't want to put her down right now." Abby told him, looking up. "Can we just sit and all snuggle together?"  
John didn't need any persuasion to do that. He led Abby to the sofa and they sat together wrapped in one anothers arms. "Abby, I have something I want to ask you. I know that we haven't been back together for very long but right now this feels right." Abby looked up to him with slight confusion crossing her face. "You know that I love you and I would do anything for you. I want to make you and Holly the happiest girls in the world. You already make me the happiest man. So Abby, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife and making this family whole?"  
Abby looked into his eyes. She couldn't believe he had proposed but she knew what her answer was going to be. "John, this is the second time you have asked me to marry you and the first time I made a mistake by not answering you. I don't want to make that same mistake again. John I love you more than I thought I could ever love anyone so yes I will be your wife."  
John couldn't help but smile. "I did have a more romantic setting organised to propose to you but this moment just seemed perfect."  
"It is." Abby answered as she reached up to kiss him.  
  
Later that afternoon John and Abby stood side by side with Susan and Chuck as their son Andrew Mark Martin was baptised. Abby was bursting to tell Susan her news but they wanted to wait until after the service. Andrew was a complete gem throughout the service. He was born a month before after a very easy delivery and no complications at all. John, Abby and Holly had been their first visitors and that was when Susan had asked them.  
They went out for dinner after the service. Sam, Luka and Alex were there as well. The three women had become very close friends. Friends that Abby hoped would be around forever. After they were finished with dinner, John stood to make a small speech. "Andrew Mark Martin, this is to welcome you into the world. You know nothing of what lies ahead of you but know that the world that you grow up in will be filled with love and happiness. To Andrew." John lifted his glass. He looked down to where Abby sat beside him with Holly in her lap. "Another announcement. This morning at roughly 4.30am I asked Abby to marry me and she graciously said yes."  
A whoop of excitement was heard all around the table. Everyone was so happy for the couple who had go so far in their relationship to end up back where they belonged. Abby stood and put her arm around John's waist. He bent down to kiss her. "I love you." He told her.  
"And I love you too. Even if it did take us the long and winding road to get here." She smiled, knowing she was where she wanted to be.  
  
A.N - Well that's the end. It has taken me a while to get here but I did. I want to thank everyone for their encouraging reviews and their willing me to carry on as I was ready to give up a while back. So thank you and I hope you enjoyed it. - Lu x. 


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